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Convince bar staff that your pint is off by sticking your finger up your
ass before holding the glass close to their nose.
Boiled Eggs cut in half vertically, and with the yolk removed, make
ideal miniature porcelain-style urinals for hamsters and guinea pigs.
Commuters. When you leave your house, sprint the first 200 yards and
then revert back to your regular walking speed. This will save you from
having to do the run of shame for the bus nearer the stop and look like
a fool when you miss it.
Banging two pistachio nut shells together gives the' impression a very
small horse' is approaching.
Motorists: When going through a speed camera, flash your lights twice
quickly and watch the driver in front hit his brakes when he thinks he's
been caught.
Old contact lenses make ideal 'portholes' for small model boats.
Mums. Confuse your children by mixing butter with their I can't Believe
It's Not Butter. They won't know what to believe.
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an
inexpensive vibrator.
Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply
pissing in the sink.
DRILL a one inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will
allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed.
Make bathtimes as much fun for kiddies as a visit to the seaside by
pouring a bucket of sand, a bag of salt and a dog turd into the bath.
Fun-sized Mars Bars make ideal normal sized Mars Bars for midgets.
A Post-It Note stuck beneath the nose is an ideal way to foil
lip-readers.
Would-be criminals. Before you commit a crime, get a foretaste of what
the world would look like from inside a prison by holding a fork up
close to your eye.
Skateboarders, Stop your trousers from falling halfway down your ass by
wearing a strip of perforated leather with a buckle around your waist.
Ladies, When treating genital thrush, always ensure you use natural
bio-yoghurt and not raspberry flavoured Munch Bunch.
Worried that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red
wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove
the stains.
ass before holding the glass close to their nose.
Boiled Eggs cut in half vertically, and with the yolk removed, make
ideal miniature porcelain-style urinals for hamsters and guinea pigs.
Commuters. When you leave your house, sprint the first 200 yards and
then revert back to your regular walking speed. This will save you from
having to do the run of shame for the bus nearer the stop and look like
a fool when you miss it.
Banging two pistachio nut shells together gives the' impression a very
small horse' is approaching.
Motorists: When going through a speed camera, flash your lights twice
quickly and watch the driver in front hit his brakes when he thinks he's
been caught.
Old contact lenses make ideal 'portholes' for small model boats.
Mums. Confuse your children by mixing butter with their I can't Believe
It's Not Butter. They won't know what to believe.
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an
inexpensive vibrator.
Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply
pissing in the sink.
DRILL a one inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will
allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed.
Make bathtimes as much fun for kiddies as a visit to the seaside by
pouring a bucket of sand, a bag of salt and a dog turd into the bath.
Fun-sized Mars Bars make ideal normal sized Mars Bars for midgets.
A Post-It Note stuck beneath the nose is an ideal way to foil
lip-readers.
Would-be criminals. Before you commit a crime, get a foretaste of what
the world would look like from inside a prison by holding a fork up
close to your eye.
Skateboarders, Stop your trousers from falling halfway down your ass by
wearing a strip of perforated leather with a buckle around your waist.
Ladies, When treating genital thrush, always ensure you use natural
bio-yoghurt and not raspberry flavoured Munch Bunch.
Worried that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red
wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove
the stains.
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