Too lazy for... (nsfw)

[TransformX]

http://daimaoh.kir.jp/ho/menssom.htm

[Brian Ellis]

There was a young man from Bream
Who invented a wanking machine.
On the ninety-ninth stroke
The damned thing broke
And whipped his cock into cream.

[VJ]

Reminded me of this one:

Howard is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, Howard goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Howard turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?" She asks, "What?" and he replies " SEX!!!"

Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!" "I know," Howard says, "but it would be nice if a woman just held it for a while." "Well, I can oblige", says Mildred, who gently unzips his trousers, and proceeds to hold his manhood. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Howard's manhood.

Then, one night, Howard didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Howard and make sure that he was O.K. She walked around the senior citizen home where she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident, Ethel, who was holding Howard's manhood! Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't have?!?" Howard smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's."

[az]

ROFLMAO! Very good, VJ