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  • Make the Call

    Hello, and thank you for calling the State Mental Hospital. Please select from the following options menu:

    If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1.... repeatedly.

    If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.

    If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

    If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

    If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

    If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

    If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, it won't make you happy anyway.

    If you are dyslexic, press 119.

    If you are bipolar, leave a message before the beep or after the beep or before the beep. Please wait for the beep.

    If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

    If you have low self-esteem, please hang up, our operators are too busy to talk to just you.

    If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
    “And, remember: there's no 'I' in 'irony'” ~ Merlin Mann

  • #2
    Dr. Mordrid
    ----------------------------
    An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

    I carry a gun because I can't throw a rock 1,250 fps

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    • #3
      Yeah, well I'm gonna build my own lunar space lander! With blackjack aaaaannd Hookers! Actually, forget the space lander, and the blackjack. Ahhhh forget the whole thing!

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      • #4
        hehe

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        • #5
          LOL. My colleagues are gonna love this
          FT.

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          • #6
            Seen this before but had completely forgotten about it. Thanks!
            Wikipedia and Google.... the needles to my tangent habit.
            ________________________________________________

            That special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts, Or maybe below the cockles, Maybe in the sub-cockle area, Maybe in the liver, Maybe in the kidneys, Maybe even in the colon, We don't know.

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