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Sillies..................

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  • Sillies..................

    1.Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The
    ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

    2.Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron."
    The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm
    positive..."

    3.A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
    you,but don't start anything."

    4.A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve
    food in here."

    5.A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

    6.A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
    says:"A beer please, and one for the road."

    7.Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
    taste funny to you?"

    8.A man complains, "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of
    Home.'""That's the Tom Jones Syndrome," explains the doc.
    "Is it common?" asks the man.
    "It's Not Unusual," says the doc.

    9.Two cows are standing in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was
    artificially inseminated this morning."
    "I don't believe you," said Dolly.
    "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

    10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing
    to look at, either.

    11. Deja Moo:The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

    12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
    cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do?"
    "Let's have a look at him." says the vet. So he picks the dog up and
    examines his eyes. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
    "Just because he'scross-eyed?" asks the man.
    "No, because he's really heavy," says the vet.

    13.I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
    find any.

    14. I went to the butcher's and wanted to bet him 50 bucks that he
    couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf.He said, "No, the steaks are
    too high."

    15. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.

    16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire
    in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat
    it too!

    17. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

    18. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says,
    "DAM!"
    Lawrence

  • #2
    Groan: mostly old, into the bargain.
    Brian (the devil incarnate)

    Comment


    • #3
      Like science jokes? Try this site;



      Examples:

      Q: What did the Nuclear Physicist have for lunch?
      A: Fission Chips.

      Q: Why did the two photons become a particle?

      A: When they met they were getting bored with high speed travel and decided to make something of themselves.

      The subatomic particle store had a sale last week.

      Electrons: $0.10
      Protons : $0.10
      Neutrons : free of charge

      Definition of "electron"?
      What the US did in 1980 and 1984. (told by Ronald Reagan)

      Sign on railroad station:
      These railroads are subject to Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle: Position and Velocity of a given train can not be specified at the same time.

      I don't know what is wrong with Heisenberg. He seems so sure of himself lately.

      There once was a fellow named Fisk
      Whose fencing was exceedingly brisk.
      So fast was his action
      That by the Fitzgerald Contraction
      His rapier soon was reduced to a disk.

      Dr. Mordrid
      Dr. Mordrid
      ----------------------------
      An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

      I carry a gun because I can't throw a rock 1,250 fps

      Comment


      • #4
        Some more......................



        Did you ever stop and wonder...

        Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
        these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

        Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna
        eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."

        Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

        Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get
        undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

        Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
        both dogs?

        Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

        If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (This one kills me!!!)

        If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
        vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

        If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

        Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
        tune?

        Stop singing and read on...

        Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

        Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
        you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

        Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

        Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
        Lawrence

        Comment


        • #5
          The first batch are all by Tommy Cooper... (but they still are funny)...

          In the second batch I see some quotes from Calvin & Hobbes (but not all of them)...


          Jörg
          pixar
          Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die tomorrow. (James Dean)

          Comment


          • #6
            The first group made me laugh out loud several times.

            Comment


            • #7
              Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
              tune?

              Stop singing and read on...
              Got me
              FT.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by LvR
                Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
                There is a light in my freezer...


                Jörg
                pixar
                Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die tomorrow. (James Dean)

                Comment

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