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Wife's friend just sent this experience over

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  • Wife's friend just sent this experience over

    All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy,
    painless removal. The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now....
    Wax!!

    My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home; fix
    dinner;
    played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully
    in
    my mind for the next few hours; "Maybe I should pull the wax out of
    the
    medicine cabinet?"

    So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of
    those
    cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips
    together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart,
    press
    it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off! No mess,
    no
    fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm no girly, girl, but am
    mechanically
    inclined enough that I can figure it out.

    *YA THINK!!!*

    So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each
    other,
    stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the
    hairdryer
    and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax my rear end (Oh, how this
    phrase
    haunts me!).
    I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and
    pull.
    OK... So it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do
    this!!! Hair removal no longer eludes me!! I am She-Ra, fighter of
    all
    wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire!!

    With my next wax strip, I move "north". After checking on the kids, I
    sneak
    back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I
    drop
    my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

    Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side
    of the
    bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down
    to the
    inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip). I inhale deeply
    and
    brace myself....

    RRRRIIIIIIPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!

    I'm Blind!!!!! Blinded from pain!!!!!!... OH DEAR GOD !!!!!!!!!!!

    Im making noises that only dogs can hear ..

    Vision slowly returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off
    half of
    the strip. S**T!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP...

    Everything is swirly and spotted . I cannot breath or speak - I have
    forgotten how ..

    Do I hear crashing drums?????

    Wait a few minutes and I'm back to normal (nearly) After all this I
    want to
    see my trophy !!! - A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt that has
    caused
    me so much pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is
    my
    triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it!
    Where is the hair?? WHERE IS THE WAX? Slowly I ease my head down,
    foot
    still perched on the toilet. I see the hair... The hair that should be
    on
    the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. S**T!!! I run my fingers over
    the
    most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and
    matted
    hair.

    Then I make the next BIG mistake . . . . . . .

    Remember, my foot is still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to
    do
    something, so I put my foot down.

    DAMN!!! I hear the slamming of the cell door.

    Vagina? Sealed shut!

    Butt?? Sealed shut!!!

    I penguin walk around the bathroom, trying to figure out what to do
    and
    think to myself, "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head
    may pop
    off."

    Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can
    stand
    into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax
    should
    melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??

    WRONG!!!!

    I get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than then that used to
    torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

    Now, the only thing worse that having your nether businesses glued
    together
    is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub.
    In scalding hot water!! (Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax) So,
    now
    I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!!! God bless the man what convinced
    me I
    should have a phone in the bathroom!!! I call my friend, thinking
    surely
    she's waxed before and has come secret of how to get me undone. It's a
    very
    good conversation starter, "So my butt and who-ha
    are stuck to the bottom of the tub!

    There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a secret trick, but does try
    to
    hide the laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is
    located.

    "Are we talking buttock cheek or is it covering - you know -
    Everywhere(cringe factor 20000 at this point) ?"

    She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the
    rundown and
    she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH
    RIGHT!!!!!!
    I should be the 'butt' of someone else's work-night jokes.

    While we go through various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off
    with
    a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered
    in
    hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water, and then dry
    shaving the sticky wax off!!!

    By now, the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I
    slip
    into glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me and my
    hand
    reaches towards the saving grace...The lotion they give you to remove
    the
    excess wax.

    What do I really have to lose at this point. I rub some on and OH MY
    GOD!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids, scared the dickens out of
    my
    friend, but I really don't care!!

    "IT WORKS!! IT WORKS!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend
    and
    she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then
    notice, to my grief and despair...

    THE HAIR IS STILL THERE... ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!

    So, I shaved it off. Heck, I'm numb at this point.

    Next week I'm going to try hair colour . . . . . . .
    Lawrence

  • #2
    There are tears running down my cheeks!
    FT.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Fat Tone
      There are tears running down my cheeks!
      Did it hurt that much?
      other possible comment: Which cheeks?



      Good one, LvR!
      :

      Jörg
      Last edited by VJ; 29 September 2005, 01:36.
      pixar
      Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die tomorrow. (James Dean)

      Comment


      • #4
        Rotflmao! :d
        According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless...

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        • #5
          @VJ: Glad it wasn't lost on you
          FT.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Fat Tone
            @VJ: Glad it wasn't lost on you
            Hey, if there is a double meaning somewhere, I'll find it!
            even if there isn't a double meaning, I'll find one...



            Jörg
            pixar
            Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die tomorrow. (James Dean)

            Comment


            • #7


              ROFL!
              Titanium is the new bling!
              (you heard from me first!)

              Comment


              • #8
                We have enough youth - What we need is a fountain of smart!


                i7-920, 6GB DDR3-1600, HD4870X2, Dell 27" LCD

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                • #9
                  Roflmaopmp!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    LOL - that's an awesome story.
                    Wikipedia and Google.... the needles to my tangent habit.
                    ________________________________________________

                    That special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts, Or maybe below the cockles, Maybe in the sub-cockle area, Maybe in the liver, Maybe in the kidneys, Maybe even in the colon, We don't know.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Too funny, too funny.



                      ~~DukeP~~

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        poor lady ... should teach her that's there's nothing that compares to a good shave

                        Despite my nickname causing confusion, I am not female ...

                        ASRock Fatal1ty X79 Professional
                        Intel Core i7-3930K@4.3GHz
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                        4x 8GB G.Skill TridentX PC3-19200U@CR1
                        2x MSI N670GTX PE OC (SLI)
                        OCZ Vertex 4 256GB
                        4x2TB Seagate Barracuda Green 5900.3 (2x4TB RAID0)
                        Super Flower Golden Green Modular 800W
                        Nanoxia Deep Silence 1
                        LG BH10LS38
                        LG DM2752D 27" 3D

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                        • #13
                          AHAHAHHA AWESOME!

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