Jewish joke (no offence intended!)

[Brian Ellis]

Rabbi Avi Goldberg is a devout orthodox Jew whose two passions in life are his religion and his family. A tailor by trade, he had worked hard all of his life to provide for his wife and four children.

On the verge of his 65th birthday he felt it was time to retire and spend more time with his wife, children and nine grandchildren.

The following week in the synagogue he prayed. "Lord I have been a loyal servant to you. I have prayed to you everyday for as long as I can remember. I have brought up my children in the right way and they in turn are bringing up their children to follow your teachings. Lord I ask one thing of you. Lord if you can see that I win £5,000,000 on the lottery so I can retire I would be most grateful. I would buy a mansion in Israel for my wife and I and leave the rest of the money to my children and grandchildren so they would never have to work like I had."

A week passed and Rabbi Avi again went to the synagogue to pray. "Lord, I know you are busy but it is a small wish that I ask of you. A million pounds will do. Just £1,000,000 on this week's lottery so my dear wife an I can retire to a small house in Israel and leave the remainder of the money to my family."

Another week passed by and Rabbi Avi began to doubt his faith. "Lord, have I not been a loyal follower? Why do you punish me? £500,000 will do so I can provide for my loved ones."

Again there would be no improvement in Rabbi Avi's fortunes. "Lord, £10,000. It's not much but it's for my children and grandchildren. Please see to a small win on this week's lottery......"

Suddenly the synagogue shook violently. The Rabbi froze with fear unable to move. As the shaking stopped, bright light pierced the synagogue windows.

A loud, booming voice said, "DO NOT BE AFRAID MY SON FOR I AM THE LORD. YOU HAVE BEEN ONE OF MY MOST LOYAL SERVANTS. I HEAR YOUR PRAYERS EVERYDAY ALWAYS WISHING WELL TO OTHERS WHILE YOU WORK LONG, HARD HOURS TO PROVIDE FOR YOUR FAMILY. YOU HAVE SHOWN GREAT LOVE TO YOUR WIFE AND TO YOUR CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN. YOU DESERVE TO BE REWARDED MY SON. AVI I WILL HELP YOU BUT YOU MUST MEET ME HALF WAY.............BUY A TICKET!"

[Umfriend]

ROFLMAO

(OK, I knew this one, but it IS a good joke)

[GuchiGuh]

HAHAHAAHAHHAHA

[TransformX]

And old jew sits in a bar, drinking his beer, when he notices two Dutch guys having their beer and talking.
The jew suddenly gets angry, walks to them and splashes his beer over them, saying "That's for the holocaust!".
The dutch guys, quite stunned, say "we're Dutch, not Deutch you stupid geezer!", to which the Jew replies, "Dutch , Deutch, all the same to me!" and leaves back to his table, ordering a fresh glass of beer.
One of the Dutch guys decided he won't stay silent, so he walks up to the old Jew and empties his pint of beer over the man's head, exclaiming "That's for the Titanic!"
The old Jew blinks and tells the Dutch, rather furiously "That was an iceberg!", tho which the Dutch replies as he walks back to his friend, "Iceberg, Goldberg, the same for me".

[UtwigMU]

heard the first one before but I was sure Transformix will chime in with fresh jokes.