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  • How to shower

    I hope this hasn't been posted before.

    How To Shower Like A Woman

    Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint enhanced conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

    How To Shower Like A Man

    Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off, fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light & fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.

    If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you
    Brian (the devil incarnate)

  • #2
    Alternative 3:

    Both undress in bedroom, admiring each others good taste on the way past the mirror to the bathroom. Take shower together, scrubbing each other only after getting the important stuff out of the way on the shower bench. If you scrub in the right places gently and it still feels good, repeat important stuff until too tired to do anything but wash each other.

    Return to bedroom after drying each other off. Spread beach towels on the bed and lie down for a nap. On waking repeat important stuff until the kid gets home from school.



    Dr. Mordrid
    Dr. Mordrid
    ----------------------------
    An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

    I carry a gun because I can't throw a rock 1,250 fps

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    • #3
      haha

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Brian Ellis
        ...ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash...
        LOL!


        Lots of truth in all three versions methinks
        FT.

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        • #5
          What's sad is when men seem to go through version #1...the sheer amount of lotions & soaps which a friend of mine has in his bathroom would put any woman to shame. Added to that, when he says he'll just get a quick shower and come right out, there's usually enough time for me to watch one or two sitcom episodes until he makes his appearance. And no, he's not gay.
          All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

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          • #6
            Then he's one of what the fashion media calls a "metrosexual";

            Design Bulletin article...

            but it may well not be doing them a whole lot of good with the ladies...well at least with the ones in the US;

            "91% want a macho guy"....

            IMO they've been watching "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" too much.

            Dr. Mordrid
            Last edited by Dr Mordrid; 25 April 2005, 12:10.
            Dr. Mordrid
            ----------------------------
            An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

            I carry a gun because I can't throw a rock 1,250 fps

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Dr Mordrid
              Then he's one of what the fashion media calls a "metrosexual";

              Design Bulletin article...

              but it may well not be doing them a whole lot of good with the ladies...well at least with the ones in the US;

              "91% want a macho guy"....

              IMO they've been watching "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" too much.

              Dr. Mordrid
              I know plenty of women that would prefer metro, and plenty that don't. But I'll be suspicious of a survey funded by Dodge Trucks.
              Gigabyte P35-DS3L with a Q6600, 2GB Kingston HyperX (after *3* bad pairs of Crucial Ballistix 1066), Galaxy 8800GT 512MB, SB X-Fi, some drives, and a Dell 2005fpw. Running WinXP.

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              • #8
                Let me put it this way: walking thorugh the Briarwood Mall the other day was an obvious metrosexual, primped and puffed up like some kind of peacock.

                Straight he was with girlfriend in hand, though it looked like he spent much more time preparing to go to the mall than she did.

                Watching the spectacle from a distance I noticed that girls did look at him as he approached, to which he showed considerable satisfaction.

                What he didn't see was that after they walked by the universal reaction was laughs and giggles, with a large percentage of the girls openly mocking his strut and drooping their wrists as they cracked up.

                Note that the Briarwood Mall is in Ann Arbor Michigan; home of the U of M, overpaid edu-crats, much of Michigans liberal elite and other such things.

                No...I think the study was damned close.

                Dr. Mordrid
                Last edited by Dr Mordrid; 25 April 2005, 12:57.
                Dr. Mordrid
                ----------------------------
                An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

                I carry a gun because I can't throw a rock 1,250 fps

                Comment


                • #9
                  I think most women who would prefer metros are either gay and lying to themselves about it or they are eternal virgins..

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by KvHagedorn
                    I think most women who would prefer metros are either gay and lying to themselves about it or they are eternal virgins..
                    Spoken like, well, KvH.
                    Gigabyte P35-DS3L with a Q6600, 2GB Kingston HyperX (after *3* bad pairs of Crucial Ballistix 1066), Galaxy 8800GT 512MB, SB X-Fi, some drives, and a Dell 2005fpw. Running WinXP.

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                    • #11
                      "Metros" probably never learned how to skip through the commercials and became brain-washed as well. Me, I never watch commercials and my "style" reflects it.
                      <TABLE BGCOLOR=Red><TR><TD><Font-weight="+1"><font COLOR=Black>The world just changed, Sep. 11, 2001</font></Font-weight></TR></TD></TABLE>

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                      • #12
                        I can dress up when the situation is right; our wedding, the kids weddings, funerals etc. Just don't expect me to do it again until my own funeral and even then I refuse to wear a tie

                        Dr. Mordrid
                        Dr. Mordrid
                        ----------------------------
                        An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

                        I carry a gun because I can't throw a rock 1,250 fps

                        Comment

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