This must have been a dare!

[Fat Tone]

This is a genuine email, sent from one of our students to one of our lecturers! I can't beleive it was actually sent, but the details check out! I don't think it will be getting a reply

Hello Madam,



I would be most grateful if you could answer a few questions regarding the brain. Please answer the questions because there no other place I can get this type of information. I am asking because of necessity so I would be very grateful.

* Question 1. I have heard (and read on the internet) that masturbation destroys acetylcholine and thus impairs one's memory. I would like to know if this is true. I rarely masturbate but would like to know if it does. I would also like to know if frequent masturbation destroys the memory.

* Question 2. My eyelid keeps on tremoring (on its own). Is this because of too much stress because this is what my mum suggested. For some reason I do not feel stressed out but it DOES and it's only just begun a few days ago.

The following is a quote from an article I found on the internet about acetylcholine:

Some evidence exists showing that when neurotransmitters like acetylcholine, dopamine, and norepinephrine get depleted, physical and cognitive performance suffers. ...

Since neurotransmitters can be depleted during exercise and this depletion can cause fatigue and overtraining, nutritional strategies may offer some support. Supplementation with one or two grams of phosphatidylcholine (lecithin) per day may prevent the depletion of acetylcholine seen with training. Since acetylcholine is active in promoting muscular force, memory, and awareness, this would offer both cognitive and performance benefits.

Please answer me these two questions because a lot of the websites I have seen are of a religious nature and / or commercial (trying to sell products). Since I have no one to turn to I found your email address on the website (I am a student here at *** University).

Yours gratefully,

T**** ****n (concerned individual)

[GNEP]

Well? what were the answers? We should be told...

[Brian Ellis]

May I make a suggestion how the lecturer should respond.

Dear T**** ****n

Your e-mail distresses me.

Your question 1:
There is no scientific proof that masturbation affects the memory. However, there is room for some scientific research in this field. I therefore suggest you may wish to undertake this, with a view to publishing the results in Nature or the BMJ. I suggest the following over a 30 day period:
a) On day 1, submit yourself to standard intelligence, cognitive and memory tests and note the results. On finishing these tests, proceed to b)
b) Return to your room or any other suitable place where you are not likely to be disturbed.
c) Read your favourite "men's" magazine
d) Have a damn good wank
e) Wait one hour (you may eat, sleep, study or read non-sexually oriented material or simply watch a news-only channel; do not consume alcoholic beverages)
f) Repeat c), d) and e) exactly 720 times
g) Repeat the same tests as in a)
h) Compare the results and draw your conclusions.

Note that this regime may cause some physical discomfort unless you pre-arm yourself with suitable quantities of lubricant, soothing lotions and muscle liniment for your arm. You may wish to consider using alternate hands to have a balanced muscular development.

Your Question 2:

It is well known in medical circles that a unilateral droopy eyelid is not due to stress, but frequent masturbation is a known significant cause. In view of this, if you do decide to pursue the scientific research I have outlined above, I recommend you have a suitable supply of matchsticks available to prop your faulty eyelid open. I recommend you use spent matches, because of the fire hazard that may be engendered, should a live match be placed within a 5 cm radius of your penis after the third day.

Yours concernedly,

Madame *******

[LvR]

:P

[dbdg]

You have to send Brian's suggestions.

[Fat Tone]

@the devil: ROTFLMAO

[Fat Tone]

@dbdg - I'll suggest it