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"Beer scooters" - say what?
How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night of drinking
and thought 'How did I get home?' As hard as you try, you cannot piece together
your return journey from the bar to your home. The answer to this puzzle is that
you used a beer scooter.
The beer scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased out to the
drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has branched out since the
decrease in the worship of the Roman pantheon and bought a large batch of these
magical devices. The beer scooter works in the following fashion: The passenger
reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring gland" begins to give
off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects the
pheromone and sends down a winged beerscooter.
The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a
trans-dimensional portal.
It is not cheap to run a beer scooter franchise, so a large portion of the
passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This generates the second
question after a night out 'How did I spend so much money?'
Beer scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for
90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries). An undocumented feature of the
beer scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip.
The nature of trans-dimensional portals dictates that time will be lost,
seemingly unaccounted for. This generates the third question after a night out
'What happened?' With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the EMIT (Embarrassing
Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending order, those
parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one person's EMIT is not necessarily
the EMIT of another and quite often lost time is regained over a suitable
period. Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles (automatically
supplied with all models of scooter) cause the scooter's navigation system to
malfunction thus sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom often with horrific
consequences.
With recent models including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a scooter
drive-through chain specialising in half eaten kebabs and pizza crusts. Another
question answered!! For the family man, beer scooters come equipped with flowers
picked from other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot Boots. These boots are
designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe, you are sure to
wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into
every wall and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the
ring-barked shins.
The final add-in Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is TAS (Tobacco
Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently get through 260
Marlboro Lights in a single night.
PS: Don't forget the on-board heater that allows you to get home from the bar in
sub-zero temperatures wearing just a T-shirt.
and thought 'How did I get home?' As hard as you try, you cannot piece together
your return journey from the bar to your home. The answer to this puzzle is that
you used a beer scooter.
The beer scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased out to the
drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has branched out since the
decrease in the worship of the Roman pantheon and bought a large batch of these
magical devices. The beer scooter works in the following fashion: The passenger
reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring gland" begins to give
off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects the
pheromone and sends down a winged beerscooter.
The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a
trans-dimensional portal.
It is not cheap to run a beer scooter franchise, so a large portion of the
passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This generates the second
question after a night out 'How did I spend so much money?'
Beer scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for
90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries). An undocumented feature of the
beer scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip.
The nature of trans-dimensional portals dictates that time will be lost,
seemingly unaccounted for. This generates the third question after a night out
'What happened?' With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the EMIT (Embarrassing
Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending order, those
parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one person's EMIT is not necessarily
the EMIT of another and quite often lost time is regained over a suitable
period. Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles (automatically
supplied with all models of scooter) cause the scooter's navigation system to
malfunction thus sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom often with horrific
consequences.
With recent models including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a scooter
drive-through chain specialising in half eaten kebabs and pizza crusts. Another
question answered!! For the family man, beer scooters come equipped with flowers
picked from other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot Boots. These boots are
designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe, you are sure to
wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into
every wall and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the
ring-barked shins.
The final add-in Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is TAS (Tobacco
Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently get through 260
Marlboro Lights in a single night.
PS: Don't forget the on-board heater that allows you to get home from the bar in
sub-zero temperatures wearing just a T-shirt.
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