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  • How the world works!

    In a crazy world!

    Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
    A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction.

    Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.
    A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.

    Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
    A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.

    Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any
    weapons of mass destruction, did we?
    A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden.
    Don't worry, we'll find something, probably right
    before the 2004 election.

    Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass
    destruction?
    A: To use them in a war.

    Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that
    they planned to use in a war, then why didn't they use
    any of those weapons when we went to war with them?
    A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know
    they had those weapons, so they chose to die by the
    thousands rather than defend themselves.

    Q: That doesn't make sense. Why would they choose to
    die if they had all those big weapons with which they
    could have fought back?
    A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make
    sense.

    Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had
    any of those weapons our government said they did.
    A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not
    they had those weapons. We had another good reason to
    invade them anyway.

    Q: And what was that?
    A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass
    destruction, Saddam Hussein was a cruel dictator,
    which is another good reason to invade another
    country.

    Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK
    to invade his country?
    A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.

    Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
    A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good
    economic competitor, where millions of people work for
    slave wages in sweatshops to make U.S. corporations
    richer.

    Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for
    American corporate gain, it's a good country, even if
    that country tortures people?
    A: Right.

    Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
    A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the
    government. People who criticized the government in
    Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.

    Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?
    A: I told you, China is different.

    Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?
    A: Well, for one thing, China is Communist.

    Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?
    A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.

    Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
    A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the
    government in Cuba are sent to prison and tortured.

    Q: Like in Iraq?
    A: Exactly.

    Q: And like in China, too?
    A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor.
    Cuba, on the other hand, is not.

    Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?
    A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our
    government passed some laws that made it illegal for
    Americans to trade or do any business with Cuba until
    they stopped being Communists and started being
    capitalists like us.

    Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade
    with Cuba, and started doing business with them,
    wouldn't that help the Cubans become capitalists?
    A: Don't be a smart-ass.

    Q: I didn't think I was being one.
    A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of
    religion in Cuba.

    Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?
    A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China.
    Anyway, Saddam Hussein came to power through a
    military coup, so he's not really a legitimate leader
    anyway.

    Q: What's a military coup?
    A: That's when a military general takes over the
    government of a country by force, instead of holding
    free elections like we do in the United States.

    Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a
    military coup?
    A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he
    did, but Pakistan is our friend.

    Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is
    illegitimate?
    A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.

    Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to
    power by forcibly overthrowing the legitimate
    government of a nation is an illegitimate leader?
    A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our
    friend, because he helped us invade Afghanistan.

    Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
    A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.

    Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
    A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men - fifteen of
    them Saudi Arabians - hijacked four airplanes and flew
    three of them into buildings, killing over 3,000
    Americans.

    Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
    A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under
    the oppressive rule of the Taliban.

    Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who
    chopped off people's heads and hands?
    A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did
    they chop off people's heads and hands, but they
    oppressed women, too.

    Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43
    million dollars back in May of 2001?
    A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did
    such a good job fighting drugs.

    Q: Fighting drugs?
    A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping
    people from growing opium poppies.

    Q: How did they do such a good job?
    A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium
    poppies, the Taliban would have their hands and heads
    cut off.

    Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and
    hands for growing flowers, that was OK, but not if
    they cut people's heads and hands off for other
    reasons?
    A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic
    fundamentalists cut off people's hands for growing
    flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off people's hands
    for stealing bread.

    Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in
    Saudi Arabia?
    A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a
    tyrannical patriarchy that oppressed women and forced
    them to wear burqas whenever they were in public, with
    death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not
    comply.

    Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public,
    too?
    A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic
    body covering.

    Q: What's the difference?
    A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi
    women is a modest yet fashionable garment that covers
    all of a woman's body except for her eyes and fingers.
    The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of
    patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman's
    body except for her eyes and fingers.

    Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different
    name.
    A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi
    Arabia. The Saudis are our friends.

    Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on
    September 11th were from Saudi Arabia.
    A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.

    Q: Who trained them?
    A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.

    Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
    A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a
    bad man, a very bad man.

    Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.
    A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel
    the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.

    Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist
    Empire Ronald Reagan talked about?
    A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke
    up in 1990 or thereabouts, and now they have elections
    and capitalism like us. We call them Russians now.

    Q: So the Soviets - I mean, the Russians - are now our
    friends?
    A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends
    for many years after they stopped being Soviets, but
    then they decided not to support our invasion of Iraq,
    so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French
    and the Germans because they didn't help us invade
    Iraq either.

    Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?
    A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had
    to rename French fries and French toast to Freedom
    Fries and Freedom Toast. (!!!)

    Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country
    doesn't do what we want them to do?
    A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we
    invade.

    Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the
    1980s?
    A: Well, yeah. For a while.

    Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
    A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran,
    which made him our friend, temporarily.

    Q: Why did that make him our friend?
    A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.

    Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
    A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the
    time, we looked the other way, to show him we were his
    friend.

    Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies
    automatically becomes our friend?
    A: Most of the time, yes.

    Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is
    automatically an enemy?
    A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American
    corporations can profit by selling weapons to both
    sides at the same time, all the better.

    Q: Why?
    A: Because war is good for the economy, which means
    war is good for America. Also, since God is on
    America's side, anyone who opposes war is a godless
    Un American Communist. Do you understand now why we
    attacked Iraq?

    Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us
    to, right?
    A: Yes.

    Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?
    A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W.
    Bush and tells him what to do.

    Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we
    attacked Iraq because George W. Bush hears voices in
    his head?
    A: Yes! You finally understand how the world works.
    Now close your eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go
    to sleep. Good night.

    Q: Good night, Daddy
    According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless...

  • #2


    AZ
    There's an Opera in my macbook.

    Comment


    • #3
      Perhaps this should be moved to Temp, as retribution will surely come swift and terrible And yeah, it's funny as hell!
      All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by lecter
        Perhaps this should be moved to Temp, as retribution will surely come swift and terrible And yeah, it's funny as hell!
        Nope, maybe this should stay to the lounge and instead all those giving retribution will be moved to the temp permanently...
        Sat on a pile of deads, I enjoy my oysters.

        Comment


        • #5
          Bah, Old. Seen this ages ago.
          "I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned."

          Comment


          • #6
            Lost interest after 5 QA's. *snores*

            Jammrock
            “Inside every sane person there’s a madman struggling to get out”
            –The Light Fantastic, Terry Pratchett

            Comment


            • #7
              hahaha
              Let us return to the moon, to stay!!!

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Jammrock
                Lost interest after 5 QA's. *snores*

                Jammrock
                Then you missed the whole point!
                According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless...

                Comment


                • #9
                  ROFL
                  "They say that dreams are real only as long as they last. Couldn't you say the same thing about life?"

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Perhaps this should be moved to Temp
                    I agree. Isn't that where US bashing should go and yes this is US bashing. Although rather old as someone else already pointed out. And have you noticed that the only ones laughing are those not from the US. That's to be expected though toward something that is obviously US bashing. But since y'all like a good joke here's one for you.

                    The Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico our glasses so cheap we don't need to drink from the same glass twice."

                    The Iraqi [obviously impressed by this drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."

                    The American (Texan) cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Mexican and the Iraqi and catches his glass. He says, "In America we have so many Mexicans and Iraqis that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."


                    Joel
                    Libertarian is still the way to go if we truly want a real change.

                    www.lp.org

                    ******************************

                    System Specs: AMD XP2000+ @1.68GHz(12.5x133), ASUS A7V133-C, 512MB PC133, Matrox Parhelia 128MB, SB Live! 5.1.
                    OS: Windows XP Pro.
                    Monitor: Cornerstone c1025 @ 1280x960 @85Hz.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Guru
                      Then you missed the whole point!
                      And what was that again?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        now that one is really old. guess it was already told by my grandfather with russians & americans back when austria was still occupied.

                        mfg
                        wulfman
                        "Perhaps they communicate by changing colour? Like those sea creatures .."
                        "Lobsters?"
                        "Really? I didn't know they did that."
                        "Oh yes, red means help!"

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Nah! wasn't it Seximus Sexissimus re the second Roman invasion of Carthage during the Punic wars, where the WMDs were a form of tank with a very thick grey skin, a trunk at the front, a tail at the back and something dangling in the middle?
                          Brian (the devil incarnate)

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I think Joel's post was much better

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              OMG!!!! this is one of the best jokes I have ever read! You made my day Guru! Thanks!

                              Comment

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