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Taco Bell Hires All The Smart People
The following is a TRUE story. Only the names have been changed to protect the mentally challenged. I must say, it amused the hell out of me while it was happening. I hope it isn't one of those "had to be there" things.
I had taken on a second job in the mall to help earn some extra cash for the holidays. Before going home one night, I decided to stop at the Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my wallet is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. On that particular night, that was all of the cash I happened to have on my person. I figured that with a $2 bill, I should be able to get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting pissed at me, as they probably would have if I tried to pay with the fifty. I walked up to the counter and...
IT: "Welcome to Taco Bell. What can I get for you this evening?"
ME: "Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please -- to go."
IT: "Is that it?"
ME: "Yep."
IT: "That'll be $1.04. Eat here?"
ME: "No, it's TO GO."
At that point, I opened my wallet and handed him the $2 bill. He looked at it kind of funny and...
IT: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."
He went to go talk to his manager, who was still within earshot. The following conversation ensued between the two of them:
IT: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"
MG: "No. A what?"
IT: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."
MG: "Ask for something else, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A $2 BILL."
IT: "Yeah, thought so."
He came back to me and said...
IT: "We don't take these. Do you have anything else?"
ME: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"
IT: "I don't know. We just don't."
ME: "See here where it says legal tender?"
IT: "Yeah." ME: "So, shouldn't you take it?"
IT: "Well, hang on a sec."
Again he went back to his manager who was watching me like I was going to shoplift, and:
IT: "He says I have to take it."
MG: "Doesn't he have anything else?"
IT: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change."
MG: "I'M NOT OPENING THE SAFE WITH HIM IN HERE."
IT: "What should I do?"
MG: "Tell him to come back later when he has REAL money."
IT: "I can't tell him that, you tell him."
MG: "Just tell him."
IT: "No way, this is weird, I'm going in back."
The manager approached me and said...
MG: "Sorry, we don't take big bills this time of night." [Now mind you, it was 8pm and this particular Taco Bell is in a well lighted indoor mall with 100 other stores.]
ME: "Well, here's a two, then."
MG: "We don't take THOSE either."
ME: "Why the hell not?"
MG: "I think you KNOW why."
ME: "No really, tell me, why?"
MG: "Please leave before I call mall security."
ME: "Excuse me?"
MG: "Please leave before I call mall security."
ME: "What the hell for?"
MG: "Please, sir."
ME: "Uh, go ahead, call them."
MG: "Would you please just leave?"
ME: "No."
MG: "Fine, have it your way then."
ME: "No, I believe that's Burger King's motto, isn't it?"
At that point, he BACKED away from me and called mall security on the phone around the corner. I had two customers STARING at me from the dining area, so I laughed out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later, a 45-ish year old guy arrived and said [at the other end of the counter, in a whisper]...
SG: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"
MG: "This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money."
SG: "Really? What?"
MG: "Get this, a TWO dollar bill."
SG: "Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?" [incredulous]
MG: "I don't know? He's kinda weird. Says the only other thing he has is a fifty."
SG: "So, the fifty's fake?"
MG: "NO, the $2 is."
SG: "Why would he fake a $2 bill?"
MG: "I don't know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"
SG: "Yeah..."
The security guard walked over to me and said...
SG: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use."
ME: "Uh, no."
SG: "Lemme see 'em."
ME: "Why?"
SG: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"
By that point I was ready to say, "SURE, PLEASE," but I wanted to eat, so I said...
ME: "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill."
I put the bill up near his face, and he flinched as if I were taking a swing at him. He took the bill, turned it over a few times in his hands, and said...
SG: "Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"
MG: "It's fake."
SG: "It doesn't look fake to me."
MG: "But it's a $2 bill."
SG: "Yeah?"
MG: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"
The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and then it dawned on the guard that the manager really had no clue.
Well, my burrito was free and the manager also threw in a small drink and an order of those cinnamon things, too. Makes me want to get a whole stack of $2 bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I had gotten the wrong group of people that night, I probably would have ended up in jail. At least I got some free food.
by Captain Sarcastic
I had taken on a second job in the mall to help earn some extra cash for the holidays. Before going home one night, I decided to stop at the Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my wallet is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. On that particular night, that was all of the cash I happened to have on my person. I figured that with a $2 bill, I should be able to get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting pissed at me, as they probably would have if I tried to pay with the fifty. I walked up to the counter and...
IT: "Welcome to Taco Bell. What can I get for you this evening?"
ME: "Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please -- to go."
IT: "Is that it?"
ME: "Yep."
IT: "That'll be $1.04. Eat here?"
ME: "No, it's TO GO."
At that point, I opened my wallet and handed him the $2 bill. He looked at it kind of funny and...
IT: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."
He went to go talk to his manager, who was still within earshot. The following conversation ensued between the two of them:
IT: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"
MG: "No. A what?"
IT: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."
MG: "Ask for something else, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A $2 BILL."
IT: "Yeah, thought so."
He came back to me and said...
IT: "We don't take these. Do you have anything else?"
ME: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"
IT: "I don't know. We just don't."
ME: "See here where it says legal tender?"
IT: "Yeah." ME: "So, shouldn't you take it?"
IT: "Well, hang on a sec."
Again he went back to his manager who was watching me like I was going to shoplift, and:
IT: "He says I have to take it."
MG: "Doesn't he have anything else?"
IT: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change."
MG: "I'M NOT OPENING THE SAFE WITH HIM IN HERE."
IT: "What should I do?"
MG: "Tell him to come back later when he has REAL money."
IT: "I can't tell him that, you tell him."
MG: "Just tell him."
IT: "No way, this is weird, I'm going in back."
The manager approached me and said...
MG: "Sorry, we don't take big bills this time of night." [Now mind you, it was 8pm and this particular Taco Bell is in a well lighted indoor mall with 100 other stores.]
ME: "Well, here's a two, then."
MG: "We don't take THOSE either."
ME: "Why the hell not?"
MG: "I think you KNOW why."
ME: "No really, tell me, why?"
MG: "Please leave before I call mall security."
ME: "Excuse me?"
MG: "Please leave before I call mall security."
ME: "What the hell for?"
MG: "Please, sir."
ME: "Uh, go ahead, call them."
MG: "Would you please just leave?"
ME: "No."
MG: "Fine, have it your way then."
ME: "No, I believe that's Burger King's motto, isn't it?"
At that point, he BACKED away from me and called mall security on the phone around the corner. I had two customers STARING at me from the dining area, so I laughed out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later, a 45-ish year old guy arrived and said [at the other end of the counter, in a whisper]...
SG: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"
MG: "This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money."
SG: "Really? What?"
MG: "Get this, a TWO dollar bill."
SG: "Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?" [incredulous]
MG: "I don't know? He's kinda weird. Says the only other thing he has is a fifty."
SG: "So, the fifty's fake?"
MG: "NO, the $2 is."
SG: "Why would he fake a $2 bill?"
MG: "I don't know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"
SG: "Yeah..."
The security guard walked over to me and said...
SG: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use."
ME: "Uh, no."
SG: "Lemme see 'em."
ME: "Why?"
SG: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"
By that point I was ready to say, "SURE, PLEASE," but I wanted to eat, so I said...
ME: "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill."
I put the bill up near his face, and he flinched as if I were taking a swing at him. He took the bill, turned it over a few times in his hands, and said...
SG: "Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"
MG: "It's fake."
SG: "It doesn't look fake to me."
MG: "But it's a $2 bill."
SG: "Yeah?"
MG: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"
The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and then it dawned on the guard that the manager really had no clue.
Well, my burrito was free and the manager also threw in a small drink and an order of those cinnamon things, too. Makes me want to get a whole stack of $2 bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I had gotten the wrong group of people that night, I probably would have ended up in jail. At least I got some free food.
by Captain Sarcastic
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