View Full Version : Helpdesk.....

19th September 2003, 01:24
We have been trying to think up names for dumb users which are not offensive so far we have...

Computer User Non Technical (thinly disguised)
Computer User Needs Training (better but still bad)

any ideas?

We had a classic in training the other day:

User: Its very good (referring to 3 months of work on a web search and reporting tool) bu we really need to be able to search by National Insurance number (SSI in US I think).
Helpdesk: Yes but we dont hold this in the database
User: Thats ok I have them all written on bits of paper
Helpdesk: ugh....

Brian Ellis
19th September 2003, 01:45
Fine Users Could Know

19th September 2003, 05:49
I'm sorry sir, you have what we refer to as a PLICK error.

Chair and


Brian Ellis
19th September 2003, 06:05
Wouldn't it be easier to say, you're a PRICK, Sir, Problem Rests.... :D

Some Have Intelligence and Talent Shortfall

19th September 2003, 06:09
Initiate the Professional Employee Systems Training programme.

There, one can gain a Degree In Modern Windows Information Technology. Those showing apparent technical skills will gain a title of Master Of Recent Office Networking.

19th September 2003, 08:38


21st September 2003, 14:22
thanks you guys - this has cheered me up immensley. Sometimes I feel we should get rid of the users bu then I would have no job (not much fun - not good as I have just had my temporary contract made permanent; good for the uk :) ).

21st September 2003, 14:47
heh... reminds me of the "cup holder" incident :)

computing rule number 6. a dumy behind a computer is wors than a virus.... :D always been my favorit when telling someone what the problem is.... including my boss....

me: well we have a clear indication of computing rule number 6 here mam...

boss: whats that...

i tell her... next thing my coleegs in the office see me running like hell :D .... its a good thing that the boss has a sence of humer and cant despence of me due to her excesive relience on me.... this is a bad thing becuse i cant come up with any excuse for wanting to quite.. she always has a way to convince me otherwise..

boss: i know i am a bitch... but i am not that horible... how am i going to find someone to replace you... and who would be willing to work for me any way ......

god if she wasnt so old i would tell her what she can do... but i have to mutch respect for her....

why i am i ranting...... arg.... never mind....

Fat Tone
21st September 2003, 15:11
TO: All Employees
From: Management
Subject: Special High Intensity Training
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees welltrained through our progrom of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Programs (D.E.E.P S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to Eployee Attitude Training (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List. (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).

Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T.jobs, and can apply for promotion to Director Of Intensity Programming (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).

If you have further questions, please direct them to our Head Of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,
Boss In General, Special High Intensity Training (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

21st September 2003, 15:16
exquisite :D :up:

21st September 2003, 15:20
hahahja Fat Tone good one! :)

21st September 2003, 15:36
GREAT one.
Theres truly magic in that man.



21st September 2003, 22:39
LMAO :D... better send this one to the boss :D

22nd September 2003, 00:03
I always like to post at night and see the gems of the morning. Funnily enough I was going to mention my training for the year coming and was going to ask to go on more Oracle training but S.H.I.T. in something useless is more likely. My fave is Boss In General training.

22nd September 2003, 00:17
Guess what I'm doing this morning.

Fat Tone
22nd September 2003, 00:23
Originally posted by The PIT
Guess what I'm doing this morning.

If anything like me, you are handling the resistration of several hundred future candiates for S.H.I.T!

22nd September 2003, 09:43
Originally posted by Fat Tone
If anything like me, you are handling the resistration of several hundred future candiates for S.H.I.T!

Close but not quite. I got away with it this year and just have to make sure the machines work. So I've been on and off the Helpdesk this morning while rushing across to fix sulky printers.

The printers are new but the drivers still need a few revisions before they work properly.

Strangly the helpdesk wasn't too bad bar one dumb user who insisted her wireless usb card wasn't wireless. :rolleyes:

22nd September 2003, 10:44
Being a user at work, I have to say, I have yet to meet the first helpdesk person that impresses me on at least one front. And it's not that I know anything, I don't.

22nd September 2003, 11:07
Well sometimes the simple things go wrong. I was someones corrupted email folder out. I sorted it and then discovered I lost there phone number so I couldn't ring back. Since the user was new I couldn't look there phone number up.

22nd September 2003, 15:33
Originally posted by Jammrock
I'm sorry sir, you have what we refer to as a PLICK error.

Chair and


I learned this as

so when said, it DONT sound like a bad thing around end users ;)

23rd September 2003, 00:17
Hmm, it might be a bit off topic...but why do all you guys doing techsupport come to forums and do tech support for free in your spare time :p , do you have TS in your blood or are you masochists :p

or do you want sympathy :p

Oh and the classic tech code ID Ten T =ID 10 T

Sadly I do a bit of tech support for our 3rd party developers.. :(

23rd September 2003, 04:24
Apart users like Hpar this place is quite fun thats why. ;)