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In Honor of Stupid People

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  • In Honor of Stupid People

    In Honor of Stupid People

    In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomedthrough stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.



    On a Sears hairdryer:"Do not use while sleeping."

    (Damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).



    On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."

    (the shoplifter special)?



    On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."

    (and that would be how???....)



    On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."

    (but, it's "just" a suggestion).



    On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."

    (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!



    On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."

    (...and you thought????...)



    On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."

    (but wouldn't this save me more time)?



    On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this
    medication."

    (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)



    On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."

    (and...I'm taking this because???....)



    On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."

    (as opposed to...what)?



    On a Japanese food processor:"Not to be used for the other use."

    (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)



    On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."

    (talk about a news flash)



    On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

    (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)



    On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

    (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)



    On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

    (Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
    "Never interfere with the enemy when he is in the process of destroying himself"

  • #2


    ok.. no comments about the Swedish one..

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    • #3
      hehe, The Japanese one I can explain a little.

      Sadly some companies think that some body who got great scores on their uni tests in written English can actually use the language. (Read they are too cheap or proud to employ a native Speaker to proofread translated instructions).

      That aside, there isn't an all purpose construct in the Japanese language for 'some, any, no(where) or none'
      So that line should probalby read "Not to be used for ANY other use."

      Dan
      Juu nin to iro


      English doesn't borrow from other languages. It follows them down dark alleys, knocks them over, and goes through their pockets for loose grammar.

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      • #4
        What about stupid animals?

        This vampire bat came flapping in from the night, his face all covered in flesh and blood, and hung himself from the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

        Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began interrogating him about where he got it. He told them to f*** off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in and said "Okay guys, follow me".

        He flew out of the cave with thousands of blood-thirsty vampire bats blackening the skies behind him. Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a huge forest of trees.

        Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him, eyes bulging and tongues hanging out in blood lust.

        "Do you see that large oak tree over there?" he asked.

        "YES YES YES!!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

        "Good!!" said the first bat, "Because I damned well didn't!!"



        Dr. Mordrid
        Last edited by Dr Mordrid; 3 August 2003, 00:21.
        Dr. Mordrid
        ----------------------------
        An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

        I carry a gun because I can't throw a rock 1,250 fps

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        • #5
          the swedish one is a bit err......but they do make great cars (koenigsegg....drool..)

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          • #6
            the Swedish one Is NOT completely right
            It do say not to stop the chain with your hands(fingers actualy) but no mention about genitals
            If there's artificial intelligence, there's bound to be some artificial stupidity.

            Jeremy Clarkson "806 brake horsepower..and that on that limp wrist faerie liquid the Americans call petrol, if you run it on the more explosive jungle juice we have in Europe you'd be getting 850 brake horsepower..."

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