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View Full Version : People and their drinks



LvR
31st July 2003, 09:41
A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer's personality on what drinks they ordered?

Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results:

If Women Drink ...


Beer

Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.

Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.

Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Mixed drinks - no umbrellas e.g.; Scotch and soda
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants

Approach: If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.

Water
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.

Approach: Don't.



Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask)

Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.

Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.



Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc.

Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.

Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.



Cape Velvet

Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.

Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.



Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.)

Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk...and naked.

Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait.......













IF MEN DRINK... (As always, very simple and clear cut.)

Cider

He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.

Cheap Domestic Beer

He's poor / student and wants to get laid.

Castle Lager Beer

He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer

He's old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Guinness

The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.

Water

He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid

Wine

He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.

Vodka or Brandy

Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.

Port

Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.

Whisky

He doesn't give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.

Jack Daniels

Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.

Rum or Tequila

Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.

Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc

He's gay (blatantly) - don't turn your back or pick up any dropped change.

Brian R.
31st July 2003, 10:22
That's funny :)

The PIT
31st July 2003, 10:37
I just like changing my drink just to annoy the bartender.

:D :D

Byock
31st July 2003, 11:02
HAHA! :D

Technoid
31st July 2003, 14:09
ROFL :D

Ajax
31st July 2003, 15:22
Makes me laugh...

Dr Mordrid
31st July 2003, 16:10
What if you like Castle Lager with a 151 proof Rum chaser? :confused:

Dr. Mordrid

J1NG
31st July 2003, 16:33
What if you don't drink at all at the bar?

Excludes the usual black tie, suit and shades naturally. Oh, and the lack of the smile. :)

J1NG

paulcs
31st July 2003, 22:49
Originally posted by J1NG
What if you don't drink at all at the bar?


1. Cheap. Hopeless. Not even the slightest chance of getting laid.

2. In recovery. Has to wait several months before getting laid.

Paul

paulcs
31st July 2003, 22:54
Originally posted by LvR
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.


Sigh. Now that's the girl I'll someday marry. I like 'em high maintenance, surly, and with daddy issues out the wazoo. :)

Paul

LvR
31st July 2003, 23:38
Originally posted by J1NG
What if you don't drink at all at the bar?


Hey - dont blame us if you cant get it up. :p

KvHagedorn
31st July 2003, 23:55
Originally posted by Dr Mordrid
What if you like Castle Lager with a 151 proof Rum chaser? :confused:

Dr. Mordrid

Secretly Bulemic.. but doesn't want to stick a finger down his throat. :D

GT98
1st August 2003, 05:07
Originally posted by paulcs
Sigh. Now that's the girl I'll someday marry. I like 'em high maintenance, surly, and with daddy issues out the wazoo. :)

Paul

I'll set u up with my ex :rolleyes:

J1NG
1st August 2003, 05:17
I think that about sums up the position of a monk. :p :)

J1NG

Paddy
1st August 2003, 05:19
Secretly Bulemic.. but doesn't want to stick a finger down his throat. ROFL :D :up:

Byock
1st August 2003, 08:35
Originally posted by GT98
I'll set u up with my ex :rolleyes:


ROTFL! That is what I was thinking, He would LOVE my ex then! :p

Lizzard[MPE]
1st August 2003, 14:54
what if you drink all of the above?

The PIT
1st August 2003, 15:06
Thats easy. You're a pisshead. :D :D

LvR
1st August 2003, 21:13
what if you drink all of the above?

Liz - in your particular case I suspect you are my original perfect wife - thanks for only coming out now!:mad: