Check your closet!

[Joel]

A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband
is at work. Unbeknownst to her, the 9 year old son was
hiding in the closet.
Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover
in the closet with the little boy.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the
mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How
much?"
Boy - "$750."
Man - "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your
glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and
forth."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends
like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm
going to take you to church and make you confess." They go
to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confessional booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."


Joel

[J1NG]

J1NG

[Topha]

[Joel]

There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years.
They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoebox in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day, the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoebox and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.

When he opened it, he found two crocheted doilies and a stack of money totaling $75,000. He asked her about the contents.

"When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you I should just keep quiet and crochet a doily."

The little old man was so moved, he had to fight back tears. Only two precious doilies were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

"Honey," he said, "that explains the doilies, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the doilies."


Joel

[J1NG]

J1NG

[Gurm]

Heard a funnier version where she put a kernel of corn in the box every time she cheated on him...

- Gurm

[GuchiGuh]

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Excellent!!

[The Rock]

Hahahhahahahahaha. Keep em coming!

[Technoid]

ROFL

[The PIT]

lol

[Kooldino]

:-)

[Ajax]

Originally posted by Gurm
Heard a funnier version where she put a kernel of corn in the box every time she cheated on him...

- Gurm

Ok, now you have to finish it...

[Gurm]

Umm...

The couple are celebrating their anniversary (50th), and the guy asks the woman if she's ever cheated on him. He says he still loves her, but needs to know.

So she shows him the box. It has 4 kernels of corn and $10,000 in it.

She says that every time she cheated on him, she put a kernel of corn in the box.

He swallows hard and says to himself "hey, 4 times in all these years that I was away on business trips... it's not like I didn't indulge once or twice myself..."

"But honey, what's all this money?"

"Oh, every time the box filled up I sold the corn!"

Gpar_

[KvHagedorn]

Now someone who is not as lazy as I am needs to figure out how many kernels of corn would cost $10,000. For fun let's say 500 kernels cost a dollar (they probably cost less.) So she would have cheated on her husband 5,000,000 times in 50 years, which of course averages out to 100,000 times per year or slightly more than 273 times per day. I think there was some really slutty Asian porn star who set the record of screwing over 300 men in one day once, and it took her something like 18 hours... (you shoulda seen how toned her bod was, too )

Somehow, at that rate, I think the husband would have noticed something was going on..

[Dr Mordrid]

Three couples go to join their local church. The minister tells them "To join our church we only have one test. You must abstain from sex for one month."

The elderly couple says "No problem..."

The middle age couple says "I think we can swing that... He'll sleep on the couch."

The newlyweds say "We don't know, but we'll sure try.

A month passes.....

The minister has a meeting with them all and asks: "So, did everyone pass the test? Did you abstain?"

The elderly couple: "You kidding'? We could go for a year!"

The Middle aged couple: "It was tough. Frank had to take a few cold showers and sleep on the couch, but we did it."

The Newlyweds: "Umm...well...not exactly. We really tried but she knocked a can of pork & beans off the shelf, bent over to pick it up and....well....I just couldn't help myself!!"

The minister replies: "Well kids, you know this means you can't join the church?"

"That's OK!" says the young husband...."We can't go in the grocery store again either!"



Dr. Mordrid