I hate the helpdesk

[The PIT]

Dumb users AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhh.

[Tjalfe]

User: My computer does not turn on
TS: is it plugged in.. check the cable
User: just a second, I will have to get a flashlight to check, we have a power outage here...

[Jon P. Inghram]

User: Ooo! Me computer no work! You fix!
TS: DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE! Thank you and have a nice day! *CLICK*

[ZokesPro]

Tech: Do you know how to reboot your system?
User: Oh yes, I've done it thousands of times!!!
Tech: OK, can you restart your computer please?
User: Uh...how do I do that?
Tech: *I thought you knew how?? You retard!!! *

[GNEP]

User: I need a spare power supply for my laptop
TS: Please hold...
TS (2 hours later): Sorry, we can only now deal with software problems, not hardware requests, as TS has now been routed to Houston.
User: Er, OK - can I send an email instead then so someone will deal with my request tomorrow?
TS: Yeah sure - here's the address.

Next day: auto-reply - we are looking into your problem and here is a number ######

2 weeks later (after more chasing): User finally gets to speak with someone who doesn't ignore him, hang-up or pass him on...

User: so, I managed to find someone else in the office who has a spare power supply and doesn't need it anymore - you may as well cancel that TS number #####
TS: OK then.

***Point XXX***

3 weeks later
TS: Hi there, you have an outstanding item in our database. A PS has now been placed on order and should be with you in a few days.
User: Oh, fine, although I don't need it anymore as I said 3 weeks ago.

2 weeks later (no power supply having around, not that it matters anymore): GOTO point XXX and repeat ad infinitum.

[The PIT]

I had a user who's been running scandisk for two days you can hear the harddrive clicking in the back ground. He didn't want to accept that his hard disk is toast knackered etc. he wanted to know how many more days it would take. After a pointless discussion I re-directed him to our maintance people.

[Tjalfe]

you should tell him to go count the number of clicks from the hard disk, claiming that is the error code

[The PIT]

Originally posted by tjalfe
you should tell him to go count the number of clicks from the hard disk, claiming that is the error code

That would have kept him quiet.

Another one.

Dumb User: I'm trying to use this web based application.
Me: Okay what browser are you using? (as it needs the latest to run properly).
Dumb User: Err Netscape Comunicator giggle giggle.
Me: Okay can you try Internet explorer and tell me what version you're using.
Dumb user: Okay it's running.
Me: Can you go to Help and then about Internet Explorer.
Dumb User: I'm clicking on the button but nothing happening.
Me: You should have this xxxx listed
Dumb user: I'm clicking on help in the application screen.
Me: Nope forget the application your trying to run. You're still using your netscape.
Dumb user: Err yes.
Me: Forget that close it and run Internet Explorer.
Dumb User: Okay I'm running Internet explorer now.
Me: Now can you go too Help and about Internet Explorer
Dumb user: Wheres that?
Me: Next to File Edit Favourites Tools.
Dumb user: Netscape Communicator.

At that point I give up and tell the user that the problem is that she needs the latest browser installed and she needs to upgrade it. She says thanks and hangs up.

[cal]

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote:
User: My computer does not turn on
TS: is it plugged in.. check the cable
User: just a second, I will have to get a flashlight to check, we have a power outage here...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------


TS: I'll have to send someone over to pick up your computer
User:is it realy that bad !
TS: i'm afraid it's the worst i've heard
User:what should i tell them when they pick it up
TS: that you'r to stupid to use a computer

[Technoid]

Stupit User: You have sold me a computer with a light version of windows!
Tech: ?????, Could you please explain?
SU: when I check in “Add/remove programs” there are boxes that aren’t marked
Tech:

[ZokesPro]

Technoid: Wow, never heard that one before!!

[SpiralDragon]

lol .....

user: how do i save a file to disket.
Me: open the file and use save as then point to the flopy drive and save it there....

next day.

the user was unable to do it properly... she was opening the program but not the file (thuse creating a blank document) and then savinng as using the name of the file she wants to save on disket.... and somehow its my fault

this is probably the 10th time i show the user how to use save as.....

[The PIT]

User: I've just deleted a paragraph can I get it back.
Me: Just click on edit and undo editing.
User: I tried that it doesn't.
Me: Have you saved the document before you deleted the paragraph.
User: Yes.
Me: Just load it up again then.
User I did it's all blank.

Turns out the user had highlighted the whole document pressed delete and then saved the document under the same name.

[VJ]

(cdrom drive makes a funny noise)
User: "It isn't supposed to do that... is it ?"
Tech support: "No, what did you do ?"
User: "Well, the program said insert CD 2, so I did."
Tech support: "Did you remove the first one ?"
User: "The program didn't say I was supposed to, so I just put the second CD on top..."
Tech support:
User: "Well, they should write those programs properly. The dialog box should have stated: 'remove CD1, then put CD2 in' !"


Slightly on topic...

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts:
-"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
-"You must work in Information Technology" says the balloonist.
-"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
-"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."
The man below says "You must work in management."
-"I do" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
-"Well", says the man, "You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help; and you're in the same position as you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

Jörg

[GNEP]

That one's usually applied to accountants