Share your stupid Jokes.....

[GT98]

Heres mine to start it off:


Q:What did the mother say to Micheal Jackson at the the beach?





A: Get out of my SON!

[Dr Mordrid]

Where in the world is Osama bin Laden?













Shacked up in a no-tel motel with Carmen Sandiego....

[Helevitia]

Ask me if I'm a truck..come on, ask me.

You: Are you a truck?

No! BWAHAHAHA!

[ZokesPro]

Why is 6 afraid of 7?











Cause 7 8 9!!

[Gurm]

So this family of moles comes up to the entrance of their mole hole.

The papa mole sticks his nose out and says "I smell cinnamon!"

The mama mole sticks HER nose out (there's barely room) and says "I smell vanilla!"

The baby mole sniffs and says "I smell MOLASSES!"

- Gurm

[agallag]

A guy walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm. He says to the bartender, "Gimmie a drink, and one for the road"

[agallag]

Two peanuts walk into a bar

One was a salted

--

A set of jumper cables walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start

anything."

--

A sandwich walks into a bar.

The bartender says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

--

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts.

The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

--

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.

My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he

picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.

Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."

"What? Because he's cross-eyed? " "No,

because he's really heavy"

--

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.

And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.

It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin.

Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.

But I think it's Colin.

--

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him

50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'

--

A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?"

asks the doc. "It's... um... well... I have five penises,"

replies the man.

"Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"

"Like a glove."

[agallag]

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?






...





wait for it...




....





"Where's my tractor?"

BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Gurm]

Agallag loses.

- Gurm

[agallag]

Loses what? I was just following the thread subject...

[Fat Tone]

Farmyard impression:
















"Get the f@cK off my tractor"

[LvR]

..........

[LvR]

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, Mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, Mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language...things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please Mama!"
"Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, Mama," wept the daughter. "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! Come get me, please!"
"Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset....Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama...words like DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK...!"

[SitFlyer]

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain;
they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds , "They're twins! If you've seen Juan you've seen Ahmal.

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good!) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

[Fred H]

Where in the world is Osama bin Laden?

HERE: