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To: All Al Queda Fighters
> > >
> > > From: Bin Laden, Osama
> > >
> > > Subject: The Cave
> > >
> > > Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've
> > > really come together as a group and I love that! However, while we
> > > are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave, and
> > > frankly I have few concerns:
> > >
> > > First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles,
> > > we should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want
> > > to avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) - so
> > > we need to sweep the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning
> > > rota, have you? I've posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception
> > > area (next to the halal toaster).
> > > Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm
> > > trying to scare the sh*t out of most of the world's population, okay?
> > > That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in
> > > the background or keep doing the 'Wassup' thing. Thanks.
> > >
> > > Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote !
> > > "Ossy" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my
> > > Dairylea slices were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
> > >
> > > Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance
> > > ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not chant
> > > "Ossy Ossy Ossy, Oy Oy Oy" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.
> > >
> > > Five: Graffiti. To whoever wrote "OSAMA SH*GS DONKEYS" on the group
> > > toilet wall, it's a lie. The donkey backed into me, whilst I was
> > > relieving myself at the edge of the mountain.
> > >
> > > Six: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse
> > > that &g! t; the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself
> > > at the edge of the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With
> > > donkeys, there is a Grey area.)
> > >
> > > Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise
> > > trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for
> > > them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.
> > >
> > > Love you lots, Group Hug. Os.
> > >
> > > PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry
> > > bag. Cut it out, it's not funny any more.
> > >
> > > From: Bin Laden, Osama
> > >
> > > Subject: The Cave
> > >
> > > Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've
> > > really come together as a group and I love that! However, while we
> > > are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave, and
> > > frankly I have few concerns:
> > >
> > > First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles,
> > > we should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want
> > > to avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) - so
> > > we need to sweep the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning
> > > rota, have you? I've posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception
> > > area (next to the halal toaster).
> > > Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm
> > > trying to scare the sh*t out of most of the world's population, okay?
> > > That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in
> > > the background or keep doing the 'Wassup' thing. Thanks.
> > >
> > > Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote !
> > > "Ossy" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my
> > > Dairylea slices were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
> > >
> > > Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance
> > > ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not chant
> > > "Ossy Ossy Ossy, Oy Oy Oy" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.
> > >
> > > Five: Graffiti. To whoever wrote "OSAMA SH*GS DONKEYS" on the group
> > > toilet wall, it's a lie. The donkey backed into me, whilst I was
> > > relieving myself at the edge of the mountain.
> > >
> > > Six: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse
> > > that &g! t; the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself
> > > at the edge of the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With
> > > donkeys, there is a Grey area.)
> > >
> > > Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise
> > > trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for
> > > them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.
> > >
> > > Love you lots, Group Hug. Os.
> > >
> > > PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry
> > > bag. Cut it out, it's not funny any more.
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