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Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?
PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
**
JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious?
Can't you people see the plain truth in front of
your face? The chicken was going to the "other
side." That's what "they" call it the "other side.
" Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you
eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we
boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination
that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly
harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken
should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and
simple as that.
**
DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I've not been told!
**
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.
**
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to
cross roads without having their motives called into question.
**
GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the
road, and that was good enough for us.
**
ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
**
KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.
**
SADDAM HUSSAIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
**
RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?
**
KEN STARR
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of
the President of the United States of America in an effort to distract
law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal
wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up.
As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's
ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule
of law.
For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional
immunity provided he co-operates fully with our investigation.
Furthermore,
the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road
until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations
have
been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has
leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to
be
homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may
have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)
**
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
**
FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many
more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
**
FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the
chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying
sexual insecurity.
**
BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only
cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
documents, and balance your checkbook-and Internet
Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
**
EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road
move beneath the chicken?
**
BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do
you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?
**
GEORGE W. BUSH
I don't think I should have to answer that question.
**
LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The
chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample
him and keep him down.
**
THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said
unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road" And the
chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
**
COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
**
JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious?
Can't you people see the plain truth in front of
your face? The chicken was going to the "other
side." That's what "they" call it the "other side.
" Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you
eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we
boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination
that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly
harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken
should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and
simple as that.
**
DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I've not been told!
**
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.
**
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to
cross roads without having their motives called into question.
**
GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the
road, and that was good enough for us.
**
ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
**
KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.
**
SADDAM HUSSAIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
**
RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?
**
KEN STARR
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of
the President of the United States of America in an effort to distract
law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal
wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up.
As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's
ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule
of law.
For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional
immunity provided he co-operates fully with our investigation.
Furthermore,
the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road
until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations
have
been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has
leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to
be
homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may
have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)
**
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
**
FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many
more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
**
FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the
chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying
sexual insecurity.
**
BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only
cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
documents, and balance your checkbook-and Internet
Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
**
EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road
move beneath the chicken?
**
BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do
you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?
**
GEORGE W. BUSH
I don't think I should have to answer that question.
**
LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The
chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample
him and keep him down.
**
THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said
unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road" And the
chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
**
COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?
.
)
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