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cbman
7th December 2002, 12:03
Hey All.

Ok.. now I don't know how many of you would know about the other thread. The other guys that were here back then will but here is the first posting of a new thread of the messed up life I lead.

When I left things off about this time last year there was a girl that threw a fastball of emotions right into my stike zone. We were close and it became a really big thing to me anyways... and it ended up with me still with the wife that I was running into problems with and her as "just a friend" and not even a close one.

After all that happened I went back and tried my hardest to make things work... I was miserable and I knew it but because of what had happened and how I felt for this other girl, it made me focus and well it went fine for about 8 months.

Now this is the messed up part.

I met this other girl.. and I did things differently - I started off on a different tack.
When we hung out for the first few times I quickly established the fact that I would be her friend and only her friend... it works well because she doesn't like it when guys get close. We have hung out pretty much constantly since then and in the process I have grown really attached to her. I am keeping it as a friend as much as I can but there have been some troubles...

My wife almost cheated on me with a guy that pretended to be vulnerable because of his relationship with his girlfriend broke up. I told her from the very beginning that she was being taken by a con and she didn't listen to me... she even went so far as to say that she was leaving me because I didn't spend any time with her. When I found that out.. I was crushed.. I gave up everything including most of my happiness all of my money... my pride and my friends. Even though her leaving is what I wanted I was still upset because of it.

Anyways.. to make matters even more screwed up she didn't leave when she said she left... She didn't do anything... it was all a friggen act to make me react and feel bad about her leaving... so when she did that I moved back into my parents house. Now she wants me back but I have come to realize how much I do not need for that to be one of my problems.

I have become an alcoholic... I have rarely been sober in like a month and a half. I spend all my time with a few friends.. one being the girl mentioned above.

Now that I have become single I feel a strange pressure when ever I am around this girl, and what really sucks is that I know that if I ever slip up and try to be more than a friend to this girl that it would be over. But I also know that I am going to screw it up I can feel it...

I really don't want to loose her.

Damn... why can't things be simple.

Wombat
7th December 2002, 12:14
At least the wife is out of the picture. She was just manipulating your life.

One step at a time. You're no fit for a decent girl in your current state. AA first buddy.

You can do this. You can rebuild your life in to whatever you want it to be. Do it smart. We're pulling for you.

ZokesPro
7th December 2002, 12:19
Although I've never been in a similar situation I can say that I've had some pretty selfish and evil girlfreinds that have treated me like complete shit so I sorta know what kind of pain your in.

The thing that helped me the most was my friends and family. They told me they loved me and it made me feel a whole lot better.

Remember we're all friends here and were here to support you. :)

DGhost
7th December 2002, 12:28
work on yourself first. anyone who cares about you will understand that, regardless of gender.

once you get back up on top of things, then look at who your friends are. those who are still with you will be the ones you don't wanna let go of.

cbman
7th December 2002, 12:51
I am trying to work on myself.... I usually have really good self control.

I know what I can do and I also know what I have to do. I really wish that I could take care of everything at once. I have to take things one at a time.

The big problem is that it doesn't matter how much you want to sort things out, the problems and or situations will come to you when they will and there is nothing you can do about it.

I am usually really good at handling things on the fly. I try to deal with each situation when it comes and stick to my original goal.

It is easy enough to do when it has to do with something physical and tangible.

To stop drinking... don't buy it, don't pick up the glass, don't feel the need to drink.

Same with smoking, fighting.

The big thing is having another person with volitile feelings and emotions. With feedback through either what they say, how they act, even their poise.

They think at their own time, they come at their own time, they move at their own pace.

I am doing the best I can to be what I want to be, who I want to be and how I want to act. And now that I am in this state - I am finding out how I really am... how much I wasn't me before.

All I have to say about the whole thing is that I am taken, floored by the feelings, and one day its going to come back and get to me, catch me at a weak time, sneak up and that's it - end game.

I always get this way and it always gets me in the end - I shouldn't be this way, I see it, I know its there, and I know what happens.

I am going to try something different though tonight, take a different tack, change course and hope not to be caught on the side of the head by the boom of life and tossed off of the friendship boat, unconsious and left drifting in a ruddy life preserver on the sea of lonliness.

And by the way, you guys are great because you are always here.

Charles

DGhost
7th December 2002, 13:18
the first steps of changing are always the hardest. they are usually the ones where you have to recognize that things are not right and they are the ones where you have to move on from that.

you sound like you are doing a good job in taking the steps you need to.

just remember that your perception of the world is going to be tainted by your feelings and troubles. things will appear bleak and meaningless, things will come out of no where and wreck everything... its important to get through it, though, instead of succoming to the fear of the unknown.

life works in mysterious ways. in the times i was hurt the most i found my best friends. just be sure to keep your eyes open and to be able to recognize a good thing when it comes your way..

and not to sound too cheesy, but... it can't rain all the time.

we'll be here for ya when you need us :)

Dogbert
7th December 2002, 15:27
just my 2 cents

Known and true, blood is thicker than water. You did the smart thing to return to your family. They were your starting point in life. You can now 'refuel' and try another start in a different direction.

Some friends of mine said that a gicl can't and shouldn't stand between friends. I don't know about your friends but I've seen it's true about many (male) friendships. It's worth letting some pride go and check it out. Maybe some of these friends are still waiting for that phone call of yours.

Anyway, sort yourself out, sort your friendships out and you'll see your life starting to go on new tracks.

Good luck man.

KvHagedorn
7th December 2002, 16:54
Women are just too damned spoiled and selfish in the West. Western men are too kind and indulgent, and women have come to expect to be treated with deference, and even to feel that their own whims and desires, no matter how shallow, are infinitely more important than any man's could ever be because, "after all, men don't have feelings, do they? They are just stupid foot-kissing syncophants, aren't they? They are all just knuckle-draggers who would give up every ounce of self respect to get their nut off, so why should we have any respect for them?" :mad:

I hate this world.

DGhost
7th December 2002, 17:03
Kv... not all women are like that... plus, the way you make it sound most guys are not just as shallow, self centered and egotistical. not to say that anyone here is like that... but... there are just as many guys like that than there are women...

KvHagedorn
7th December 2002, 17:13
Yeah, but there is no "men's movement" to egg on the problem like there is a "women's movement." And another by-product of the "women's movement" is that the intelligent women don't breed. It has been drummed into them that having children is beneath their dignity somehow and they must wait and get high paying jobs first, by which time their humanity has been fairly well squeezed out of them, and if they have any children, it is a single spoiled brat. This general trend makes the population stupider and shallower with each generation, until we find each other glued to the Maury Povich show like zombies, willingly regurgitating every remaining ounce of intelligence and self-will. All the easier for the politicians and the media to manipulate.

WyWyWyWy
7th December 2002, 18:14
May I just ask...

Cbman do you have kids?

Greebe
7th December 2002, 21:01
Nope, he doesn't... well last we heard from cbmon (and we warned him against "her" needs ie babies ie ball'n chain immature selfish behaviour/dead weight mentality)

Sasq
7th December 2002, 21:35
Cbman, I agree with the other people here. get yourself sorted out and cleaned up first.

you need to become whole again before you can start in on the 1 + 1 makes 2 thing again.

ElDonAntonio
7th December 2002, 22:04
I say start doing something new, like a martial art. I'm not kidding. Some martial art will help you get in shape, release steam, and feel much better physically and mentally. I've been practicing since 12 years, and I can tell you it WILL make a difference. Plus, you'll get to meet new people (nice girls?) and it'll put your mind off of your misery. You'll feel stronger and more in control.

Don't toss this advice, check out around your neighborhood if there's a karate/taekwondo/similar dojo. The closer to your place the better.

edit: looks like there are some pretty good shito-ryu dojos in port elgin. Take the time to go to a class just to watch, I'm sure you'll like it. It'll give you a chance to talk to the instructor and the students too.

K6-III
7th December 2002, 23:30
Originally posted by KvHagedorn
I hate this world.

Perfect reason to colonize the moon....

CHHAS
8th December 2002, 00:12
I agree with ElDonAntonio, it's a great way to get into shape, and start feeling good about being you again.

Dogbert
8th December 2002, 01:12
Originally posted by K6-III
Perfect reason to colonize the moon....

Did you buy a property ?

Ribbit
8th December 2002, 04:34
I'm with ElDonAntonio and CHHAS, get some exercise if you don't already. It doesn't have to be a martial art (although that's a fine idea) - go swimming, jogging, cycling... heck, take up the drums (and ignore the jokes posted the other day :) ). As long as you enjoy it and can/will do it regularly. It will make you feel better in yourself with a little time, it really will.

Evildead666
9th December 2002, 02:26
Originally posted by Ribbit
I'm with ElDonAntonio and CHHAS, get some exercise if you don't already. It doesn't have to be a martial art (although that's a fine idea) - go swimming, jogging, cycling... heck, take up the drums (and ignore the jokes posted the other day :) ). As long as you enjoy it and can/will do it regularly. It will make you feel better in yourself with a little time, it really will.

I'm with all the above.
Get up, get out and do something!

I had a very nice (awful) breakup just over a year ago.

Your friends and family will help you not feel alone.

I go cycling, mountain biking with a couple of frineds. It gets me out and about. I know what you mean about booze too....
Hang in there, things can only get better....
:);):bunny:

Sethos
9th December 2002, 07:21
Not being married myself, or even beng in a relationship (not for lack of trying LOL) at the moment, but here's a good piece of advice that I got for problems:

First:
Work the problem, don't let the problem work you.
Second:
Take problems small chunks at a time and accomplish
those chunks; soon those chunks will add up to a solved
problem.

Hope it maybe helps a little (though probably not...)

~Sethos

Byock
9th December 2002, 08:22
I have to agree. I just went through a nasty Divorce in July. It is hard, but not impossible. Exercise does help..(and I lost 40 lbs)

Friends and family are essential.


Good luck, and keep us posted. We are always here...;)

cbman
9th December 2002, 14:13
Well for another update.

I haven't taken up any kinda sports yet although I don't have a car and am frequently late for work so I guess maybe I do "Jog" :)

Right now the whole thing is in a holding pattern. She hasn't left yet and through some counselling we are giving it one last try.

We have agreed though that if things aren't working out any better that we would part ways and at least be resonable to each other.

By Counselling I mean a friend of a friend who is a real marriage and guidance counciller, and also an avid pot smoker. He took me out and got me high for the first time then talked me through everything I wasn't seeing. Then he did the same for her. Then we sat down baked as hell at the bar in a booth and had it out for about two and a half hours until everything fit together better and everything was out in the open.

What I get out of the whole thing was that she didn't realize how she was treating me until I finally left and wouldn't come back at her beck and call. Then she realized and tried to change but it was too late and I still didn't come back. Then she realized she had lost me and got really really upset about the whole thing.

Me on the other hand was just pissed off that she was acting like that for so long (almost the whole two years we have been married.) and didn't want to take anymore back and forth feelings. So right now if things don't work out... well that's it and since we both are trying our hardest we will know it isn't meant to be.

I will try to keep updating this thread every few days or so... just so that I have something to do. And so that you guys have something different to read than lame lines from Zokes (Just kidding man :D )

Charles

Admiral
9th December 2002, 14:50
Originally posted by cbman
Me on the other hand was just pissed off that she was acting like that for so long (almost the whole two years we have been married.) and didn't want to take anymore back and forth feelings. So right now if things don't work out... well that's it and since we both are trying our hardest we will know it isn't meant to be.


WyWyWyWy
May I just ask...
Cbman do you have kids?


Originally posted by Greebe
Nope, he doesn't... well last we heard from cbmon (and we warned him against "her" needs ie babies ie ball'n chain immature selfish behaviour/dead weight mentality)

Haven't read the first thread and don't have kids, but I'm with them... take care :)

Evildead666
10th December 2002, 04:44
Yes. A big joint calms the nerves, and allows for free speaking.

I was named 'Chief' for a while at uni.
I found out later it stood for 'Big Chief speaking Bull'.
;) i fell for it for 5 years.

One thing positive: Don't look at the negative side too much. Try not to think too much about "and if it doesn't work...".
Keep all thoughts positive. You and your wife.

Jez

KvHagedorn
10th December 2002, 04:50
One bad thing about pot.. if you don't see any problems you don't deal with them..

Admiral
10th December 2002, 04:53
Or you start dealing with them with more pot ? (not good)

Evildead666
10th December 2002, 05:07
He he, yes. It can very much cloud your mind...
:)
edit: can't say that.

Sasq
12th September 2003, 21:05
Hope this is the one you wanted me to move

Dan

cbman
12th September 2003, 22:53
Yep this would be the one... I'm going to see if I can finish it tonight... if not it will be tomorrow.

Charles