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Miracle in Arkansas - DEAD funny
From the East Arkansas Press via Private Eye's Funny Old World column...
"I was slowing down, but Georgann wouldn't wait 'til I stopped," Everett Williams told police after the death of his wife in a freak motoring accident in Arkansas City. "We both saw Jesus at the side of the road, with what looked like twelve people slowly floating up into the air. She started screaming 'He's back! Jesus is back!' and we both thought that the rapture was happening. I tried to pull over, but she wouldn't wait, because she was convinced Jesus was going to lift her up into the sky, there and then. Before I could stop, she climbed right out of the sunroof crying 'Take me Lord!', jumped off the car, and was run over by the car behind."
Officer Paul Madison later explained precisely how the accident had happened. "What we have here is a case of mistaken rapture. It seems that a motorist, Ernie Jenkins, was on his way to a toga costume party, dressed as Jesus, with twelve blow-up sex dolls filled with helium in his truck. The tarp covering the dolls came loose, and they started floating into the air, so he stopped, got out, and tried to catch them. The Williams were driving past, saw Mr. Jenkins with his arms raised high, assumed it was the Second Coming of Jesus, and Mrs. Williams jumped to the wrong conclusion, and to her death. I tell you, this is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force.
Asked to comment, Jenkins replied: "This is all just too weird for me. People have often told me that I look like Jesus. That's why I thought I'd go to the party as Christ with His twelve disciples. I never expected anything like this to happen. I wish I'd gone as Nero instead."
"I was slowing down, but Georgann wouldn't wait 'til I stopped," Everett Williams told police after the death of his wife in a freak motoring accident in Arkansas City. "We both saw Jesus at the side of the road, with what looked like twelve people slowly floating up into the air. She started screaming 'He's back! Jesus is back!' and we both thought that the rapture was happening. I tried to pull over, but she wouldn't wait, because she was convinced Jesus was going to lift her up into the sky, there and then. Before I could stop, she climbed right out of the sunroof crying 'Take me Lord!', jumped off the car, and was run over by the car behind."
Officer Paul Madison later explained precisely how the accident had happened. "What we have here is a case of mistaken rapture. It seems that a motorist, Ernie Jenkins, was on his way to a toga costume party, dressed as Jesus, with twelve blow-up sex dolls filled with helium in his truck. The tarp covering the dolls came loose, and they started floating into the air, so he stopped, got out, and tried to catch them. The Williams were driving past, saw Mr. Jenkins with his arms raised high, assumed it was the Second Coming of Jesus, and Mrs. Williams jumped to the wrong conclusion, and to her death. I tell you, this is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force.
Asked to comment, Jenkins replied: "This is all just too weird for me. People have often told me that I look like Jesus. That's why I thought I'd go to the party as Christ with His twelve disciples. I never expected anything like this to happen. I wish I'd gone as Nero instead."
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