Gurm's Absence and Illness

[Gurm]

Well folks,

Although I'm sure few of you can say you actually MISSED me, you may have noticed that it has been more than a week since I posted on here. The reason for this is that I've been sicker than sick.

I'm not scoping for sympathy here, but maybe for any thoughts anyone has on the situation. I'll elaborate.

Warning! This is long. And boring. And all about how sick Gurm is. If you aren't up for that kind of read, skip it!

Early Summer (April/May timeframe) I got a little ill. In addition to getting a little ill (flu-like symptoms) my eyes bugged out - whenever I looked at a computer screen (or anything with high contrast, to be honest) it seemed to be... pulsating. Not flickering really as much as pulsing. Bizarro. Went to see the Opthalmologist, he noted that my pulse was VERY high (120 resting, high even for me - my normal resting is like 95) and sent me off to see my regular doctor, who took me off of all my decongestants and allergy meds. Things seemed to settle down, especially after a week in Maine to sleep and relax and recuperate.

Fast forward to about two weeks ago.

I started noticing more floaters (you know, those weird blob things in your eyes that are mostly transparent most of the time) than normal. I've always had a few, and they've flared up from time to time, but this was an unusual number.

Called the Opthalmologist, they said it just happens to some people, but let them know if it combines with other symptoms, or if I notice spots of light and dark, or whatever.

Well, didn't get a chance to call them back because last Thursday I got SICK. REALLY SICK. Wake up nauseous and dizzy and shivering sick. Every day for the long weekend, I woke up feeling like this. Was marginally better in the afternoon and evening, went to bed feeling ok, and woke up sick.

Now I've had THIS happen before for an extended period, several years ago I picked up Giardiasis (aka Giardia) from bad well water in rural Massachusetts. Blech. My eyes got worse all weekend as well, to the point where I couldn't even LOOK at a computer screen, it just hurt.

So Monday morning I call my doctor (yeah it's still a holiday but I was home by then). Told him my symptoms, he looked at my chart and said "yeah looks like exactly the same symptoms as Giardia from a few years back, do you FEEL the same as then?" I said yes, so he put me on Flagyl.

Flagyl: Common name for Metronidazole, it's an anti-parasitic drug. Very nasty stuff. Symptoms of the illness are nausea, diarrhea, dizziness, wooziness, tiredness, and loss of appetite. Side-effects of Flagyl are... nausea, diarrhea, dizziness, wooziness... you get the idea. The terrible thing about Flagyl is you can't tell if you're getting any better until you stop taking the medicine.

I'll be all done with the Flagyl today. So tomorrow I ought to feel better, right? Problem is my eyes are still bugged out. They're better - I can actually use the computer the last day or two without pain, but they're still very photosensitive, my night vision (what there was of it) is still shot, and there are still all these spots and floaters that weren't there before.

So a couple days back (halfway through my treatment) I went to see my doctor, who ran a bunch of bloodwork. All normal. Tested for Lyme disease (which would account for the spots as well as the photosensitivity) - and that came back negative.

So now I have to see the Opthalmologist on Monday, and perhaps the NeuroOpthalmologist after that. And I still can't see straight.

This is more than a little scary, since the only thing I'm qualified to do in this world to make a living is... work on the computer.

I know that in the long run there is a laser procedure (to the tune of about $1200 an eye) to zap floaters, but I'm concerned about the near term as much as the long term.

Everything I look at is a bit ... grainy. I don't know how to describe it really, but it's just a bit grainy. Like the whole world is coming through the lens of a Sony Camcorder in mixed light (Sony camcorders are pretty infamous for not dealing real well with mixed / low light, causing a dithered or pixellated effect).

The floaters are irritating, but not the major issue with working on the computer. The major issue is light sensitivity - anything bright (for example a CRT) has a tendency to persist a little too long. Kinda irksome. Makes focusing around on a screen a wee bit difficult. Like I said, today is better than yesterday... which was better than the day before. Doesn't mean I'm happy with the situation.

So, I have a mystery sickness again. I'm almost done feeling crappy (well, we'll know in the morning), but my eyes are still whacked out.

I was actually kind of hoping that I tested POSITIVE for Lyme disease - I had most of the symptoms (including aching joints, etc.) and it would have fit neatly (and has an easy, albeit lengthy, treatment) and been a nice answer.

Other possibilities put forward by my doctor are that the antifungal I was on (Lamisil) causes "severe visual disturbances" in 1% of patients who use it... urk! We'll know in a couple weeks once that's out of my system if it had anything to do with the situation.

In the meantime, I'm alive. I can drive, I can watch TV (well, if I don't glance around too much), I can use the computer for an hour here and there, and I've been spending a LOT of time getting reacquainted with my guitars.

So, why did I even post this? Maybe to vent. I've been very frustrated. My family is nowhere nearby, so I've been home alone taking care of Logan while trying not to move around too much and keep the dizziness at bay.

Maybe it's a quest for greater understanding. I've become a bit philosophical in the last few days. When you're sick for weeks on end, your mind starts playing tricks on you. You can't really remember a time when you didn't wake up feeling dizzy and sick, nor can you imagine waking up tomorrow feeling well.

Also I have been a bit frightened. I've had to re-evaluate life. Obviously I'm not blind. Hopefully I'm not GOING blind. But if working on the computer remaind extremely difficult, my life priorities will have to be rethought. And I'll certainly not be taking my vision for granted any more!

So, this is getting long. I'll wrap up with some thoughts/questions.

1. Anyone have any experience with Lyme disease or its associated syndromes? Ever hear of a false negative? My physician assures me that while false positives are common, false negatives are much less so. I have, however, exhibited MANY of the symptoms, so I'm a bit skeptical of the negative result.

2. Any of this ring some amazing coincidental bell with someone? "Gee, I had that! It sucked! And..."

3. Sympathy was not the point of my post, although it's always nice to know that people care. I suppose I've been a bit lacking on that front this week, what with my family all 300 miles away and busy with their own lives.

Ok, I'm signing off now. TTFN!

- Gurm

[Jessterw]

Well you've already heard it from a select few of us, but we hope you get better.

As you know I've got that same problem with my eyes pulsating every now and again, so I'm with you as far as being worried about your eyesight and such, especially given our present occupations (or area of experience).

Anyways, get well bud... with you down and out I'm starting to look like the biggest ass in the group. J/K, you know what to do, just take it easy and don't stress yourself out.

- Jw

[ZokesPro]

Things have been kinda quiet around here lately. And I know you don't want sympathy, but I still hope you get better soon!

I find that even though your friends are not doctors, that it always helps to recover or get better when you know that many people love you.

[az]

I was just about to post a "Hey, where's Gurm?" post

Sadly, I know nothing about any of the symptoms you exhibit, so can't help you with that.

Hope you're getting better soon. And I hope your becoming philosophical leads to some insight or something positive. That way you'd at least have gained something from this.

AZ

[Gurm]

Well, interestingly the introspection has led me to the decision to become more Jewish, if that's possible. I abstained from the Ham Steaks last night at dinnertime, and actually said an Erev Rosh Hashanna prayer or two last night (fresh out of candles, though - have to rectify that this evening).

There is a distinct comfort and logic in the traditions of the Jewish faith that I have found sadly lacking in Christian traditions. *shrug*

- Gurm

[SpiralDragon]

hay .. get well soon.... i know how it feels (sort of) i was rushed to the ER 4 days ago... bad case of poisoning.... still recovering but i am a restless bastard....... glad to see you clinging on to your faith ... just cant get to do that myself... well at least not in a conventional but much ilogical way..

[Nuno]

My advice woud be to do a MR-scan as soon as possible.

[KeiFront]

Only thing I can say is, get a second opinion from another doctor.

And get well soon.

[CHHAS]

Sorry to hear that, hope you get well soon.

[Gurm]

Yeah, I'm scheduled to see an Opthalmologist on Monday. He will likely refer me to a Neuro-Opthalmologist (provided there's nothing readily identifiable that's wrong with the physical structure of my eyes) who will probably send me off for an MRI. Just a matter of working my way through the system. *shrug*

- Gurm

[K6-III]

Best of luck to ya and hope you get well.....

[ayoub_ibrahim]

out of curiousity Gurm, did you get your thyroid function checked?
elevated pulse rate & vague eye problems being the reason I'm enquiring!

[Technoid]

Good to hear from you


Hope you get better soon.

My sister had/has something like what you describe, but not quite the same.
Flu/alrgic and severe eye problems....
But nowdays she has eyedrops for it...

[KvHagedorn]

Sounds like a very scary experience.. I would hate to feel like I was going blind.. inability to work on the computer would be the least of regrets then though, aside from practical considerations. Hopefully it is a side effect of one of your medications and you will be free from it once it clears out if your system. I try and take as few medications as possible, if I can avoid them. New and seemingly fantastical drugs in particular can turn out to do more harm than good sometimes.

Best of luck.. hope it all clears up.

[mutz]

...hmm, hmm, know how you feel.

I've had Gardia and amoebas a few times while living and traveling in Asia. As I recall, we used to gulp down 5 Flagyl in a shot, be knocked on our ass for a couple of days, but after a good number of BMs, it was gone. But these parasites do have a way of getting to be chronic, coming back again and again, especially when you are often overtired and have low resistance. Gardia lives mainly in the small intestine, amoebas in the large, but they can move into other organs. On that point I would suggest thorough tests and examinations by a tropical specialist. Today you don't have to live in the tropics to pick up tropical diseases, or any other disease if your resistance is down. You might also want to check for low grade hepatitis. Even in blood tests now, the docs say I had it, though I don't remember anything except perhaps a long period of low energy.

It also looks like you've had a long period of getting run down and burnt out. You don't sound like you feel so good about yourself either. When your immune system gets that low, you are susceptible to anything. And forgive me for mentioning it, but illness and worrying over it is a favorite jewish theme. Worrying is in itself an illness...

I get the floaters and vision problems after long and concentrated days on the computer. It was like that this morning, renovation of my computer system, hardware and software, tweaking around and digging in all the corners, and to a large degree, many hours playing and learning here in MURC.

I know that if I take a break, give myself lots of rest, eat well, take a few vitamins, it all recovers very quickly. But if I get really down, emotional usually follows physical, and often the other way around, that means take a big break. Someplace far away and different enough to forget everything except eating, sleeping, swimming, diving, really, really cooling out and getting in a bunch of laughs.

Another thing I've noticed is that in that low state it is very difficult to let go and give yourself what you need. All the things to be done, all the things that could happen...

It's usually my beloved partner that gets me going toward what I need, though I can be pretty resistant.

...don't know Gurm, but it looks like you need a substantial break from something. The medical stuff can get to be a vicious circle between the docs and all the gumpf. If I were you, I'd go someplace nice, cool out, space out, and let the answers come to you. The body has enormous healing powers of its own, if you give them a chance to get going.

"Life is not a problem to be solved, it's simply a mystery to be lived."