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Rakido
23rd August 2002, 07:21
Howdy,

just found this. As the text was in German, i translated it in a rush, therefore please forgive all the errors and grammatical nonsense.

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George Lucas:
- Hobbits speakse in grammar strange
- ALL swords would shine
- there would be nine parts with the middle parts filmed first

John Woo:
- Gandalf would be carried down the tower from 66 doves, not an eagle
-Legolas would use two bows the same time
-every fighting scene would be in slowmotion

Woody Allen:
- black/white and mono
- all problems with the orcs would be solved with discussion

James Cameron:
- every movie would cost $ 400million
- Frodo would be standing at the bow of an elvenship with the ring shouting: "i'm the king of the world"
- Arnold Schwarzenegger plays Sauron and claims during the first battle "I'll be back"

M.Night Shamyalan
-in the final scene it would be revealed, that the ring wraths are the only living, all others are dead

Ridley Scott:
- Frodo would have an identity crisis, there were unicorns in the wood, Nazguls had a H.R.Giger design,

Hitchcock:
- Nazgul would look like birds and Frodo flees into a phone booth
- Gandalf and Pippin sleep in Minas Tirith in Bate's Motel. At the end it's revealed, that Frodo is long dead and Sam has talked with a corpse.
- Gollum would be played by Hitchcock as an supporting act

John McTiernan:
Frodo would walk in an undershirt through middle earth short before x-mas with a major hang-over, smoking, swearing, unshaved and mutter all the time "i love those days", but nevertheless kick some Orc's ass..
Gandalf is black and Aragorn thinks all the time, if he should ring Arwen.

David Fincher:
The movie would be dusky, the hobbits depressive wrecks and Gandalf a illusion. Sauron would give up voluntarily at the end, but win nevertheless

David Lynch:
More dusky. "Rammstein" would be played during the fight scenes. At the end the fellowship would meet themselves in the shire - no one would understand what's going on.

Spike Lee:
same story, every inhabitants of middle earth are black

Quentin Tarantino / Robert Rodriguez:
- Frodo and Sam, the coolest gangstaz in Hobbiton get a job from their boss Aragorn: bring me back the ring
- they torture Gollum, cutting a ear off and find out, that Sauron hides the ring in his ass
- the movie would be filled with cool sayings and good music, every third word is "****", Frodo and Sam would carry black suits
- the audience never find out, what the ring is good for.

Wachowski - Brothers
- Gandalf tells Frodo, that the reality he knows from the shire is just an illusion - a magical ring can bring him to the other side
- there would be lots of KungFu scenes in bullet time

Sam Raimi
- the ring can be destroyed with the magical words "klaatu verrate nectu" (or similiar)
- Frodo has a chainsaw and is played by Bruce Campbell
- every actor is related to Raimi
- the order to destroy the ring comes not from Gandalf, but from a tape

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Rakido

ZokesPro
23rd August 2002, 07:28
Hehe :D

It's still funny.

Technoid
23rd August 2002, 07:29
hmmmmm.......:confused:

Strahd
23rd August 2002, 07:41
Originally posted by Rakido
Sam Raimi
- the ring can be destroyed with the magical words "klaatu verrate nectu" (or similiar)
- Frodo has a chainsaw and is played by Bruce Campbell
- every actor is related to Raimi
- the order to destroy the ring comes not from Gandalf, but from a tape




Gurm would probably get a kick out of that one.


Could you mumble something like klaatu verrate nectu and just trail off ion order to destroy the ring?:D

Gurm
23rd August 2002, 10:05
No no. If you mumbled the ring would SEEM to be destroyed but in reality the armies of the undead would come to rip you a new ****ole.

- Gurm