Harry & the 1st grade

[Greebe]

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the
3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.

The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed
to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was
brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"

Ms. Brooks: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Harry: Coconut

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer,
Harry was taking charge.

Ms. Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?

Harry: Bubble gum

Ms. Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down
and a dog do on three legs?"
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
answer, Harry spoke up:.

Harry: Shake hands

Ms. Brooks: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in'K' that means a
lot of heat and excitement?

Harry: Firetruck

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,

"Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong"

**********************
hehe

[Jammrock]

That was great!

Jammrock

[Greebe]

A Riddle for You for the Weekend!

Q: What do you get when you cross an onion with a donkey?



A: Most of the time you get an onion with big ears.



But once in a while,

Just once in a while,










































































You get a piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

****************

Cheers

[ZokesPro]

That was great!

[Greebe]

Talented Octopus

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He says that it can play any musical instrument in the world.

Everyone in the bar laughs at the man, calling him an idiot. So he says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.

A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix. The guitar man pays up his $50.

Another guy walks up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays the trumpet better than Miles Davis. This guy pays up his $50.

Then a Scotsman walks up with some bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and then sits down with a confused look. "Ha!" the Scot says. "Can ye nae plae it?"

The octopus looks up at him and says, "Play it? I'm going to screw it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off!"

**********************

snickers

[Oboy]

[Strahd]

The Octopus one is great.

[ZokesPro]

That last one was funny! lol

[Technoid]

Zokes, I almost diden't belive it when i read your sig:
"For once dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gases..." Bart Simpson
I just saw that show today because of my visiting brother....
I never se simpsons othervise

[ZokesPro]

Originally posted by Technoid
Zokes, I almost diden't belive it when i read your sig:
"For once dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gases..." Bart Simpson
I just saw that show today because of my visiting brother....
I never se simpsons othervise

I thought that that particular quote was funny enough to post.

[Byock]

ROTFLMAO!! That is GREAT!!




The Chicken

[impact]

well apparently I would not even qualify for 3rd grade... lol

[SpiralDragon]

lol... heck that was a good one.....

[Jon P. Inghram]

A laywer is driving out in the country to visit some relatives. Fiddling with his cell phone while trying to pass some old farmer driving a beat up old pickup, he pulls back too soon hitting the farmers truck. Neither he nor the farmer are injured, and both vehicles are still drivable. The laywer is rather embarrassed about the accident and would rather just deal with the farmer out of court and without involving the insurance company, so he asks the farmer if he'd accecpt a check to cover the damages to the pickup (the check is for quite a bit more than the truck is obviously worth). The old farmer thinks about this for a moment, then says that out 'er in these parts we've got ways to deal with this kind of situation, no money involved. What we do is, kick each other in the nads as hard as possible, and whoever gives up first is the loser. The lawyer is rather shocked, but really doesn't want the insurance company involved (his driving record isn't the greatest), so he accepts the farmers challenge. The farmer goes first (he WAS hit by the laywer after all), kicking with his steel tipped workboots, then says "I lose", and gets in his pickup and drives off.

This joke was much better when it was told to me, I hope I didn't butcher it too badly.

[Dogbert]

A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't. The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?"
The dog answers "ROOF."

The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying."

The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else."

The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?"

The dog answers with a muffled "RUTH."

With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door. As they bounce on the sidewalk the dog looks at his owner and says, "DiMaggio?"