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REUTERS UK. 3rd April 2002, 900hrs. Newsflash
LONDON WOMEN PREPARE BREASTS FOR INCREASED SPRINGTIME DISPLAY
Women across the capital celebrated the improved weather this week,
preparing their breasts for the increased exposure and display that
the warm weather now demands. For the last 6-8 months women's breasts, obscured
by baggy sweaters and shapeless jackets, have existed only in the
imaginations and fond memories of men.
Yet, with the coming of spring, all that has changed, as girls now
slip into less fabric and fewer layers. Their breasts, like animals emerging
from hibernation, once again climb out into the sunshine, stretch out in
the open air and, with near-mythic power, grab the attention of all around.
"I just bought a new spring 'mini-vest' from French Connection," said
Covent Garden, media-exec Sophie Lambert, 24. "It is snug. Almost too-small
really. Plenty of blokes seem to notice my tits when I wear it on sunny days."
Miss Lambert's male colleagues who have seen the vest confirmed that
it was "blinding", and added that they are eagerly looking forward to seeing
her "cracking pair" protrude from within it very soon.
"In countries with warmer climates, the vast quantities of breasts
tend to take on a diminished significance, because of overexposure," says
Professor Dorothy Primus of the Feminist Studies Department, University College
London. "The male populace tends to become jaded toward breasts, as
they are nearly always visible even to a casual onlooker"
Primus went on to explain, however, that the UK's ebb and flow of
seasons creates a corresponding ebb and flow of breast visibility. The recent
fine weather and resulting preponderance of breast displays has brought
London to its knees with heterosexual males gawking at the near-unbelievable
levels of mammarian visibility.
Although most men agree that the natural power of the female breast
needs no improvement, some women are using technology to further enhance their
breast goals. Fulham secretary Heather Phillips, 22, a self-confessed B-cup
with aspirations toward the C-range, plans to covertly employ a "Wonder
Bra", to make her breasts appear a full cup-size larger throughout the summer
months. Boyfriend Mark Chambers is reported to be "delighted".
Experts are not surprised by Miss Phillips' breast enhancement
efforts, as spring frequently brings about a heightened air of sexual tension.
Feminist lesbian organizations in London agreed.
"Although we are deeply opposed to the systematic sexual
objectification of women and their breasts by male heterodoxy, we lesbians are in a
uniquely two-fold position of strength in these wondrous springtime months,
enjoying both the opportunity to display our fantastic breasts to others, and
the chance to enjoy an eyeful of the breasts of our fellow sisters," says
Megan Thomas of radical group Lesbian Militants for Social Change. Upon
spotting a lithe, crop-topped, female walking nearby, Ms Thomas bit her knuckles,
adding, "I mean... just check out the cans on that."
Women across the capital celebrated the improved weather this week,
preparing their breasts for the increased exposure and display that
the warm weather now demands. For the last 6-8 months women's breasts, obscured
by baggy sweaters and shapeless jackets, have existed only in the
imaginations and fond memories of men.
Yet, with the coming of spring, all that has changed, as girls now
slip into less fabric and fewer layers. Their breasts, like animals emerging
from hibernation, once again climb out into the sunshine, stretch out in
the open air and, with near-mythic power, grab the attention of all around.
"I just bought a new spring 'mini-vest' from French Connection," said
Covent Garden, media-exec Sophie Lambert, 24. "It is snug. Almost too-small
really. Plenty of blokes seem to notice my tits when I wear it on sunny days."
Miss Lambert's male colleagues who have seen the vest confirmed that
it was "blinding", and added that they are eagerly looking forward to seeing
her "cracking pair" protrude from within it very soon.
"In countries with warmer climates, the vast quantities of breasts
tend to take on a diminished significance, because of overexposure," says
Professor Dorothy Primus of the Feminist Studies Department, University College
London. "The male populace tends to become jaded toward breasts, as
they are nearly always visible even to a casual onlooker"
Primus went on to explain, however, that the UK's ebb and flow of
seasons creates a corresponding ebb and flow of breast visibility. The recent
fine weather and resulting preponderance of breast displays has brought
London to its knees with heterosexual males gawking at the near-unbelievable
levels of mammarian visibility.
Although most men agree that the natural power of the female breast
needs no improvement, some women are using technology to further enhance their
breast goals. Fulham secretary Heather Phillips, 22, a self-confessed B-cup
with aspirations toward the C-range, plans to covertly employ a "Wonder
Bra", to make her breasts appear a full cup-size larger throughout the summer
months. Boyfriend Mark Chambers is reported to be "delighted".
Experts are not surprised by Miss Phillips' breast enhancement
efforts, as spring frequently brings about a heightened air of sexual tension.
Feminist lesbian organizations in London agreed.
"Although we are deeply opposed to the systematic sexual
objectification of women and their breasts by male heterodoxy, we lesbians are in a
uniquely two-fold position of strength in these wondrous springtime months,
enjoying both the opportunity to display our fantastic breasts to others, and
the chance to enjoy an eyeful of the breasts of our fellow sisters," says
Megan Thomas of radical group Lesbian Militants for Social Change. Upon
spotting a lithe, crop-topped, female walking nearby, Ms Thomas bit her knuckles,
adding, "I mean... just check out the cans on that."
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