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Heard any good jokes lately?

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  • Heard any good jokes lately?

    A North Dakota farmer, Osama Bin Laden, and George W. Bush found a genie in a bottle. The genie told them, "I'll grant each of you one wish."

    The farmer thinks about it for a minute and says, "My family has farmed our land for many generations and, God willing, will for many more. I wish that the land may remain fertile forever."

    The genie says, "That's an easy one," and made it so.

    Then Bin Laden says, "I wish for a mighty fortress, where my soldiers and I can gather, a fortress utterly impregnable to any assault the decadent west can muster."

    The genie says, "That's a little tough, but I'll take a crack at it." And he created a fabulous fortress where Bin Laden and his followers secured themselves to plot their next wave of assaults.

    Then the genie turned to G.W. and asked, "What would you like?"

    G.W. thought about it a minute and said, "What kind of fortress did you creat for Bin Laden?"

    The genie said, "Oh, it's truely fabulous. It has solid steel gates ten feet thick, and stone and iron and concrete walls 40 feet thick and 500 feet high."

    G.W. said, "My, that does sound impressive. Now fill it with water."

  • #2
    Osama Bin Laden phoned President George W. Bush. "I had a dream about the United States," he said. I could see the whole country, and over every building and home was a banner," said Bin Laden.

    "What was on the banner?" asked Mr. Bush.
    "LONG LIVE OSAMA!" answered the terrorist.

    "I am so glad that you called," said President Bush, "because I too had a dream. In my dream, I saw Afghanistan and it was more beautiful than ever; totally rebuilt, and over every building and home was a big, beautiful banner."

    "What did the banner say?" asked Osama.
    "I don't know," answered President Bush, "I can't read Hebrew."

    Paul
    "Never interfere with the enemy when he is in the process of destroying himself"

    Comment


    • #3
      What to do with bin Laden....


      "Killing him will only create a martyr.
      Holding him prisoner will inspire his comrades to take hostages to demand his release.

      Therefore, I suggest we do neither.

      Let the SAS, Seals or whatever, covertly capture him, fly him to an undisclosed hospital and have surgeons quickly perform a complete sex change operation. Then we return 'her' to Afghanistan to live as a woman under the Taliban."

      Paul
      "Never interfere with the enemy when he is in the process of destroying himself"

      Comment


      • #4
        Yeah, I heard one.

        Al Gore wants to run for President in 2004

        Dr. Mordrid
        Dr. Mordrid
        ----------------------------
        An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

        I carry a gun because I can't throw a rock 1,250 fps

        Comment


        • #5
          Carlos:

          "Ey, boss I not come work today I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt, I not come work."

          The boss says:

          "You know Carlos I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that."

          2 hours later Carlos calls:

          "Boss, I did what you said and I feel great, I be at work soon. By the way You got a nice house."
          According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless...

          Comment


          • #6
            Mullah Mohammed Hasan Akhund, the deputy Taliban leader, and George W.
            Bush agree to meet in Kabul for the first round of talks in a new
            anti-terrorism process. When George sits down, he notices three
            buttons on the arm of Akhund's chair. They begin talking.

            After about five minutes Akhund presses the first button. A boxing
            glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face. Annoyed,
            Bush carries on talking as Akhund laughs. A few minutes later the
            second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush
            in the shin. Again Akhund laughs, and again George carries on talking, not
            wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries.
            But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and
            kicks Bush square in the privates, he's finally had enough.

            "I'm headin' back home!" he calmly tells the Afghan. "We'll finish
            these talks in Washington in two weeks!"
            A fortnight passes and Akhund flies to the United States for
            talks.As the two men sit down, Akhund notices three buttons on Bush's chair
            arm and prepares himself for the Texan's retaliation. They begin talking and
            George presses the first button. Akhund ducks, but nothing happens.
            George snickers but they continue talking. A few minutes later he
            presses the second button. Akhund jumps up, but again nothing
            happens. Bush roars with laughter. They continue the talks but when the
            third button is pressed, Akhund jumps up again, but again nothing
            happens.

            Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics. "Forget this," says
            Akhund. "I'm going back to Afghanistan!" George W. says, through
            tears of laughter, "What Afghanistan??"

            Joel
            Libertarian is still the way to go if we truly want a real change.

            www.lp.org

            ******************************

            System Specs: AMD XP2000+ @1.68GHz(12.5x133), ASUS A7V133-C, 512MB PC133, Matrox Parhelia 128MB, SB Live! 5.1.
            OS: Windows XP Pro.
            Monitor: Cornerstone c1025 @ 1280x960 @85Hz.

            Comment


            • #7
              hehehehehe.......

              That US "big stick" T. Roosevelt first mentioned can be a bitch

              Dr. Mordrid
              Dr. Mordrid
              ----------------------------
              An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

              I carry a gun because I can't throw a rock 1,250 fps

              Comment


              • #8
                Q:Why does Osama always carry a piece of crap in his pocket?
                A: It's his photo ID

                Q: What do Bin Laden and Hiroshima have in common?
                A: Nothing, yet.

                Q: How do you play Taliban bingo?
                A: B-52...F-16...B-1...

                Q: What is the Taliban's national bird?
                A: Duck

                Q: How is Bin Laden like Fred Flintstone?
                A: Both can look out their windows and see Rubble.

                Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats?
                A: So they can see their Air Force.

                Q: What does osama bin laden and General Custer have in common?
                A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!

                Q: What's the difference between the Taliban and a bucket of shit?
                A: the bucket

                Q: What's the five day forecast for Afghanistan?
                A: Two days.

                Q: Why doesn't the Taliban have drivers ed and sex ed classes on the same
                day?
                A: because the camels can't handle it

                Joel
                Libertarian is still the way to go if we truly want a real change.

                www.lp.org

                ******************************

                System Specs: AMD XP2000+ @1.68GHz(12.5x133), ASUS A7V133-C, 512MB PC133, Matrox Parhelia 128MB, SB Live! 5.1.
                OS: Windows XP Pro.
                Monitor: Cornerstone c1025 @ 1280x960 @85Hz.

                Comment


                • #9
                  "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." -- Dr. Seuss

                  "Always do good. It will gratify some and astonish the rest." ~Mark Twain

                  Comment

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