Should I...

[Pace]

Ok, background info:

I'm a boy. There is a girl. She's just out of a relationship, and says she doesn't plan to go out with a friend again - I'm possibly considered a friend. I can't stop thinking about her, or talking about her. However, I'm not entirely sure if I like her...
So, should I...
<ol type="A">[*]Wait a while</li><ul>[*] I could lose her</li>[*]It might get harder to ask</li>[*]I might never know until I ask</li>[*]It gives us both time to sort ourselves out</li>[/list][*] Ask someone else to try and see if she likes me</li><ul>[*] They might not ask</li>[*]They might not be discreet and spoil it</li>[*]It might be successful</li>[/list][*] Write a soppy letter</li><ul>[*]It might seem desparate</li>[*]It might be taken too seriously</li>[*]It might be romantic</li>[*]It gives me time to get what I say just right</li>[/list][*]Write a very soppy poem </li><ul>[*]It is very, very soppy idea</li>[*]It is romantic, and might well work</li>[/list][*]Ask her myself</li><ul>[*]She might laugh </li>[*]She might say no</li>[*]She might say yes (and we live happily ever after)</li>[*]She might say yes (and I find out I don't like her after all)</li>[/list][/list=a]However, that last point could affect them all (and I don't really want to hurt her). So, without sounding very mushy/soppy, how do you sort out your emotions - and how do you recognise love? (D'oh, there, I've said it )
Yours truly
P.

[Helevitia]

Nobody can tell you what the right answer is except for yourself. Try to step outside yourself and look down as if gazing into a crystal ball of someone elses life, except it is your own. What do you see? Just be honest with yourself and with her. Come to the conclusion that the answer you may hear might not be the one you want. The worst she can do is say no. You'll know when the time is right

Dave

[dZeus]

well... just one thing:

no guts, no glory

[Rags]

Well, since she won't date a friend, steal her car for a week, then ask her out on a date

Rags

[paulcs]

The MURC Auxilary Chapter of the National Organization of Women will now come to order.

I don't see the "get her pregnant and skip town" option.

Paul
paulcs@flashcom.net


[This message has been edited by paulcs (edited 27 February 2001).]

[Gurm]

Ask her tactfully. Honestly. From one former painfully shy guy to another, that's my advice.

Just suck it up and ask. Yeah it'll feel like someone's twisting your guts up in their hand, but just suck it up and ask.

You'll be glad you did, because you'll know.

- Gurm

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Listen up, you primitive screwheads! See this? This is my BOOMSTICK! Etc. etc.

[SCompRacer]

Get yourself some flowers, ask her to a quaint little coffee shop, not too crowded for few distractions.

Give her the flowers, then a pencil and ask her to fill out your questionaire.....well, maybe leave the questionaire out but tell her how you feel.

[Rags]

LOL!

I didn't see the "Screw her friend and make her jealous" option listed either

[SCompRacer]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Gurm:
...........former painfully shy guy.......

</font>

What you say?

[ALBPM]

Gurm Shy!!! AH HAHAHAHAHA!!!1

Anyway Pace, women fresh out of a bad relationship can be very fragile and unpredictable.

Step 1

If you do ask her out, don't make it a full blown date right away. Just ask her out for a drink or coffee or just lunch, something simple where you can get together and talk. That should be easier on you too if you're the shy type.
If she seems to be the shy type or still hurt from the last relationship you don't want to come on too strong or make her feel pressured right away.

If you can work your way through Step 1 you will have a better idea if you want to see her again and if she is interested in you.

Now go ask, there's nothing to loose

Paul

[DuRaNgO]

Don't lose her frendship, give me her number
jim

[Gurm]

Hey hey, you can all blame Julie for me not being particularly shy anymore.

Well, her and the tendency for us all to become more like our parents as we get older.

I used to just mumble and sweat around women.

- Gurm

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Listen up, you primitive screwheads! See this? This is my BOOMSTICK! Etc. etc.

[spoogenet]

Definitely need good friendships.

You have to decide what you really want. Is the risk of losing her as a friend worth the benefit of hitting it off in a relationship?

Decide what you want, and then go for that. If it's a relationship you want, I would go for it very slowly since she's fresh out of one. Definitely don't pressure her. Just be there for her (this might get you a great friendship, too).

One way or the other, be thankful for what you get. Being "trapped in the friends zone" really isn't that bad. Just don't go kicking yourself in the butt for whatever the outcome is. No regrets....

b

[HedsSpaz]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">However, I'm not entirely sure if I like her...</font>

On light of that statement, I would definately have to second Sasq's apt summary.

Give it a little time. By in large, people underrate the value of a good friendship. If after a month or two there seems to be some mutual interest brewing, then persue it. But especially if she is just out of a relationship, then chances are what she really wants and needs are some good friends.

Good luck
Ian

[Pace]

Dave: I think 'no' is a very likely answer

dZ: So, should I take her to Paris?

Matt: You did kinda raise a point though! Although I say I'm a friend, I'd say 'friendly' with each other as a better description. The previous guy was a very good friend of hers, so I'm not in the same category as him! However, surely if she liked me it wouldn't matter either way - or would it? Anyone ever liked someone but not pursued it for other reasons like this?

Paul: Hmm, must have been a problem with UBB, I'm sure I had that option in there!

Jason: Yea, I am a little shy

SCR: So, if I'm not giving her the questionnaire, where do I stick the pencil

Matt: Once again, funny you should mention that, as the end of the last relationship was on those lines...

Pauly: Sounds good... :S

Jim: Well, you want her number? Of course, she is number 1

Jason: I mumble! (a little too cold here to sweat at the moment though!)

Sasq/Spooge: Yea, but does the friendship have to be developed first?

Ian: Well, I do like her, certainly as a friend, but I don't know why I'm getting in such a knot over it all. I certainly wouldn't say no to her if the situation was reversed, but I don't want to hurt her by going out with her and then realising I've made a mistake. Although the relationship might not work anyway, I don't want to go in when I'm unsure. I mean, I feel great around her, miss her when she's not around, and get worried when she walks to her car when I leave etc. I don't suppose most women will like the line: "Hi, I think I fancy you, but I want to test it out - are you game?"

Ho-hum (and thanks so far), P.