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Dirty Jokes! ;-)
Jon starts working in a lumber camp. The boss says, "We work twelve hours a day, we eat two meals a day, lights out at ten-thirty, and you can put your dick in the barrel over there for a blow job any day but Thursday."
Jon says, "Why not Thursday?"
The boss says, "Because Thursday is your turn in the barrel."
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A California man decides to have a party and invites lots of people, telling them to bring their friends. On the invitation he put, "Themed Party Come as a Human Emotion". On the night of the party, the first guest arrives and he opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest. He says to this guy, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" and the guy says, "I'm green with envy". The host replies, "Brilliant, come on in and have a drink". A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink bodystocking with a feather boa wrapped round her most intimate parts. He says to this woman "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" And she replies, "I'm tickled pink". The host says, "I love it, come on in and join the party". A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time, and the host opens the door to see two guys from New York, stark naked, one with his penis stuck in a bowl of custard and the other with his penis stuck in a pear. The host is really shocked and says, "Christ, guys, what the hell are you doing? You could get arrested for standing like that out here in the street. What emotion is this supposed to be?" The first guy replies, "Well, I'm ****ing discustad, and my friend here has come in dispair."
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A bloke has a new sportscar and takes his girlie out for a drive. She says that if he gets up to 200 km/h she'll take all her clothes off. So he puts his foot down and gets to 200 km/h and she takes all her Clothes off! Anyway, this distracts him and he crashes the car. She gets Thrown clear but he's trapped. So he shouts "Get some help" and she says "But I'm naked!" So he chucks her his shoe and tells her to use that to cover herself up. She puts it over her crotch and off she goes to a garage, and says to the guy behind the counter "Help, my boyfriend's stuck!" He looks at the shoe and says "Sorry, he's in too far, there's nothing I can do."
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A little kid is sitting on a park bench eating abag of chocolates. an old man walking by stops to say that if he continues to eat like that he won`t live very long. indignantly the kid says " oh yeah my grandfather lived to be 104 years old" .the old man replies "i'm sure he did kid.but it wasn`t from eating all that chocolate.oh no sir says the kid,it was by minding his own ****ing business!
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One day a vasaline salesman was driving down a long dirt road when he ran out of oil for the engine. He sat of a while when thought that maybe some vasaline would work as oil for a bit to get him to a gas station. It did work, but it only brought him to a farm house, where he stopped. Meanwhile, inside the house, a farmer, his wife and his daughter were argueing over who was gonnan do the dishes. The farmer said, "I provide for this family, so I ain't doin' 'em!" The wife said, "I made supper, so I ain't doing 'em!" And the daughter said, "I always do the dishes, so I ain't doin' 'em!" Finally the agreed that they would lie naked on the floor and the first person to talk does the dishes. Then the vasaline salesman comes to the door to ask if he may use their phone. He knocks a few times, but there is not answer. He tries the knob and the door opens, so he enters. Ignoring the site on the floor, he walks around the house looking for a phone, but can't find one. He asks the family as they lie on the floor, but receives not answer. The decides to do the daughter and wife a few times. While he does this, he hopes that maybe they have some vasaline so he can use it as oil, so he finishes screwing the wife and asks the farmer if he has any vasaline, and then the father gets up and says, "I'm doing the dishes!!!"
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A man was showing some friends his apartment. One guest asked "What's that big brass basin for?" "That's the talking clock," answered the man. He gave it an ear shattering pound with a hammer. Suddenly, a voice on the other side of the wall screamed, "Knock it off! Don't you know that it's 2 a.m., you ****ole?!"
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Q:Why did God invent alcohol?
A:To prevent the Irish from ruling the world
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There was a blond, and a brunet walking through the woods, and they come across some tracks. The blond said "they are deer tracks", but the brunet said "they are bear tracks." The blond said "NO I went hunting with my dad, and I can tell you for sure that they are deer tracks." The brunet said "NO,NO,NO I went hunting with my brother, and I can tell you for sure that those are bear tracks." They kept on fighting, and a few minutes later a train came buy, and hit them. They were train tracks!!
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Join the MURC SETI team! | SETI @ MURC
"Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity. It eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation."
Jon says, "Why not Thursday?"
The boss says, "Because Thursday is your turn in the barrel."
--------------------------------------------
A California man decides to have a party and invites lots of people, telling them to bring their friends. On the invitation he put, "Themed Party Come as a Human Emotion". On the night of the party, the first guest arrives and he opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest. He says to this guy, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" and the guy says, "I'm green with envy". The host replies, "Brilliant, come on in and have a drink". A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink bodystocking with a feather boa wrapped round her most intimate parts. He says to this woman "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" And she replies, "I'm tickled pink". The host says, "I love it, come on in and join the party". A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time, and the host opens the door to see two guys from New York, stark naked, one with his penis stuck in a bowl of custard and the other with his penis stuck in a pear. The host is really shocked and says, "Christ, guys, what the hell are you doing? You could get arrested for standing like that out here in the street. What emotion is this supposed to be?" The first guy replies, "Well, I'm ****ing discustad, and my friend here has come in dispair."
-------------------------------------------
A bloke has a new sportscar and takes his girlie out for a drive. She says that if he gets up to 200 km/h she'll take all her clothes off. So he puts his foot down and gets to 200 km/h and she takes all her Clothes off! Anyway, this distracts him and he crashes the car. She gets Thrown clear but he's trapped. So he shouts "Get some help" and she says "But I'm naked!" So he chucks her his shoe and tells her to use that to cover herself up. She puts it over her crotch and off she goes to a garage, and says to the guy behind the counter "Help, my boyfriend's stuck!" He looks at the shoe and says "Sorry, he's in too far, there's nothing I can do."
---------------------------------------------
A little kid is sitting on a park bench eating abag of chocolates. an old man walking by stops to say that if he continues to eat like that he won`t live very long. indignantly the kid says " oh yeah my grandfather lived to be 104 years old" .the old man replies "i'm sure he did kid.but it wasn`t from eating all that chocolate.oh no sir says the kid,it was by minding his own ****ing business!
---------------------------------------------
One day a vasaline salesman was driving down a long dirt road when he ran out of oil for the engine. He sat of a while when thought that maybe some vasaline would work as oil for a bit to get him to a gas station. It did work, but it only brought him to a farm house, where he stopped. Meanwhile, inside the house, a farmer, his wife and his daughter were argueing over who was gonnan do the dishes. The farmer said, "I provide for this family, so I ain't doin' 'em!" The wife said, "I made supper, so I ain't doing 'em!" And the daughter said, "I always do the dishes, so I ain't doin' 'em!" Finally the agreed that they would lie naked on the floor and the first person to talk does the dishes. Then the vasaline salesman comes to the door to ask if he may use their phone. He knocks a few times, but there is not answer. He tries the knob and the door opens, so he enters. Ignoring the site on the floor, he walks around the house looking for a phone, but can't find one. He asks the family as they lie on the floor, but receives not answer. The decides to do the daughter and wife a few times. While he does this, he hopes that maybe they have some vasaline so he can use it as oil, so he finishes screwing the wife and asks the farmer if he has any vasaline, and then the father gets up and says, "I'm doing the dishes!!!"
---------------------------------------------
A man was showing some friends his apartment. One guest asked "What's that big brass basin for?" "That's the talking clock," answered the man. He gave it an ear shattering pound with a hammer. Suddenly, a voice on the other side of the wall screamed, "Knock it off! Don't you know that it's 2 a.m., you ****ole?!"
---------------------------------------------
Q:Why did God invent alcohol?
A:To prevent the Irish from ruling the world
---------------------------------------------
There was a blond, and a brunet walking through the woods, and they come across some tracks. The blond said "they are deer tracks", but the brunet said "they are bear tracks." The blond said "NO I went hunting with my dad, and I can tell you for sure that they are deer tracks." The brunet said "NO,NO,NO I went hunting with my brother, and I can tell you for sure that those are bear tracks." They kept on fighting, and a few minutes later a train came buy, and hit them. They were train tracks!!
------------------
Join the MURC SETI team! | SETI @ MURC
"Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity. It eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation."
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