View Full Version : Application to go on the Jerry Springer Show

17th May 2000, 15:43
That's just the RSUA (Redneck Society Uv Americka) application.

- Gurm

Listen up, you primitive screwheads! See this? This is my BOOMSTICK! Etc. etc.

17th May 2000, 16:44
Last name: ________________

First name: (Check appropriate box)

(_) Billy-Bob (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_)

What does everyone call you?

(_) Booger (_) Bubba (_) Junior (_) Sissy (_) Other___________________

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)

Shoe Size: Left ____, Right ____

Occupation: (Check appropriate box)
(_) Farmer (_) Mechanic (_) Hair (_) Unemployed (_) Dirty Politician (_)

Spouse's Name:________________________

2nd Spouse's Name:_____________________

3rd Spouse's Name:_____________________

Lover's Name:_________________________

Relationship with spouse: (Check appropriate box)
(_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father
(_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet

Number of children living in household:_____

Number of children living in shed: ______

Number that are yours: ______

Mother's Name: _______________________(If not sure, leave blank)

Father's Name: ________________________(If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Total number of vehicles you own: ___

Number of vehicles that still crank: ___

Number of vehicles in front yard: ___

Number of vehicles in back yard: ___

Number of vehicles on cement blocks: ___

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed

Model and year of your pickup:
.................................................. ..........................

Do you have a gun rack? If no, please explain:
.................................................. ..........................

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_) The National Enquirer (_) The Globe (_) TV Guide (_) Soap Opera Digest
(_) Rifle and Shotgun

Number of times you've seen a UFO:_____

Number of times in the last 5 years you've seen Elvis:_____

Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO:_____

How often do you bathe:
(_) Weekly (_) Monthly (_) N/A

Color of eyes:
Left _____, Right _____

Color of hair:
(_) Blond (_) Black (_) Red (_) Brown (_) White (_) Clairol

Color of teeth:
(_) Yellow (_) Brownish-Yellow (_) Brown (_) Black (_) N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
(_)Red-Man (_) Shoot

How far is your home from a paved road?
(_) 1 mile (_) 2 miles (_) Just a whoop-and-a-holler! (_) Road?

(excuse the bad formating)

17th May 2000, 22:43
http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/smile.gif ROFLMAO http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/smile.gif

,HS61 004G ,mar BM 691 , 065@005 iamtaK
BG 31 0234 rotxaM, BG 03 +04 rotxaM

[This message has been edited by CHHAS (edited 18 May 2000).]

22nd May 2000, 05:28
Appologies if i have offended any of you Americans out there (except Dimitri of course http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/smile.gif)

22nd May 2000, 05:43
Actually, we American probably find it more humorous than you Europeans. The funniest part is how true that application really is in some areas...eek.


The Rock
23rd May 2000, 01:24
ROFL!! Damn that's funny. I swear, there's better humor writers in this forum than there are in Hollywood.

The Rock
www.3dforce.com (http://www.3dforce.com)

23rd May 2000, 01:27
Hi Paddy [MU], I realized I am qualified to go on that show! Except you spelled mecanik wrong, or is that the way it's spelled over there?

23rd May 2000, 03:47
It kinda reminds me of the K.T.Y.S.A.P program in Texas.

Keep Telling Yourself Sister Ain't Pretty http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/redface.gif


23rd May 2000, 05:01
thats how its spelt stompy!

23rd May 2000, 19:35
Just like "spelt"?

Sorry, I'm a grammar geek. Forgive me, I beg of you.

- Gurm

P.S. Want to have a horrible evening sometime? Try making a conscious effort to never end a sentence with a preposition. You'll go NUTS.

Listen up, you primitive screwheads! See this? This is my BOOMSTICK! Etc. etc.

23rd May 2000, 21:23
Wheew, good thing I only qualify for a few of those.... http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/wink.gif lol

BTW, Gurm, what's a preposition? They don't teach of anything in honors english in my schools.... LOL


24th May 2000, 05:12

Are you serious?

- Gurm

Listen up, you primitive screwheads! See this? This is my BOOMSTICK! Etc. etc.

24th May 2000, 05:28
Okay Jason, can you tell me (warning: dumb Dutchman!) what a preposition is? I'm at work where people don't have English dictionaries lying around http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/wink.gif

You could give an example as well. http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/smile.gif


24th May 2000, 05:40
They must have really lowered the bar in regards to education, or you were off that day Muad'Dib.

It is a word that connects a noun to another word, like "by" or "to."

24th May 2000, 08:07
It was a joke...

24th May 2000, 13:11
I didn't know that Stompy! http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/frown.gif

24th May 2000, 21:33
Prepositions are not as fun as propositions though.

25th May 2000, 06:29
I dont have much experience with that either http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/frown.gif

25th May 2000, 20:39
Here's another http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/wink.gif

Redneck Test of Membership

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this"

You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'

You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.

You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

One of your kids was born on a pool table.

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it.

You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos."

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

Later Y'all

25th May 2000, 20:46

1. Your e-mailaddresendsin"@over.yonder.com."

2. You connect to the World Wide Web via a "Down Home Page."

3. If the bumper sticker on your truck says, "My other computer is a laptop."

4. Your laptop has a sticker that says, "Protected by Smith and Wesson."

5. You've ever doubled the value of your truck by installing a cellular phone.

6. Your computer is worth more than all your cars combined.

7. You wire your network with jumper cables.

8. Your wife said either she or the computer had to go, and you still don't miss her.

9. You've ever used a CD-ROM as a coaster to set your drink on.

10. You ever refer to your computer as "Ole Bessy."

11. Three Words: Daisy Duke Screensaver

12. You start all your e-mails with the words, "Howdy y'all."

13. Your spell checker knows words like, "Y'all", "Yonder", and "Reckon."

14. Your cars sit in the yard because your garage is full of dead CPUs, printers, modems and monitors.

15. Your belt buckle is made from a dead 3.5" hard drive.

16. You ever felt you had to move your computer desk so it didn't block the velvet picture of Elvis.

17. Yer mouse keeps knocking over yer spitcan.

18. Smith & Wesson...the original point N click interface.

19. When you're friends comment on your "nice boots" and you say, "Yea, thanks. Its my spiffy, new Phoenix BIOS."

20. When your wife catches you again with your "Farm Animals of the Orient" CD-ROM.

21. When you order your new pick-up truck with a gunrack and PCMCIA sockets.

22. Your PC Games collection consists of nothing but Bass Fishing tournament games.

23. You only buy from Gateway, 'cause the cow-colored boxes are a hoot.


25th May 2000, 20:49
Here's another classic http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/wink.gif

In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three 3 wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.

Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You darn Yankees
never do read the Bible!"

I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled thru some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar.'"


26th May 2000, 06:23
oh no, what have i started!

26th May 2000, 07:25
YEEEHAAAWWWW!!! Just got in my new "RealTree" camo keyboard Y'all http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/wink.gif

Paul Bob

26th May 2000, 08:37
Pat, next time you find something useless on the internet, leave it there http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/wink.gif

Paul-Bobby, what's a "RealTree" camo KB?

confused at either T minus 16 or T minus 15 http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/wink.gif

[This message has been edited by Jorden (edited 26 May 2000).]

26th May 2000, 10:11
That's Paul-Bob!!!

Here's what REALTREE Camo looks like


Or a must have is a hat with REALTREE pattern on it.


The ultimate would be to have a mouse shaped like a Skoal or Copenhagen can.

Paul-Bob aka Darth_Bubba

[This message has been edited by ALBPM (edited 26 May 2000).]