WHAT THE JOB AD SAYS
and WHAT IT REALLY MEANS...
Advancement opportunity
-Lousy job
Entry Level
-Really a lousy job
No experience necessary
-The mother of all lousy jobs
Administrative assistant
-Lousy job with a title
Ground floor opportunity
-Lousy job with a company that will file bankruptcy within a year
Progressive company
- Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday
Team player
-Must deal with dangerously territorial coworkers with rabid personalities
Upbeat personalities
-Must neither threaten us with any kind of lawsuit nor use the drug alcohol rehab benefit within the first year
Word processing skills essential
-There is a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future
Public Relations Receptionist- Professional appearance important
-$20 K a year job that requires a $100K year wardrobe
Pleasant telephone manner
-Be the voice of 1-900-suck
Earn up to $300 per hour
-Be 1-900-suck
Salary range $24K to $32K
-The salary is $24K
Jeans job!
-Minimum wage temporary job in concentration camp office
Will train
-Prior conviction of a felony or two, no problem
BA required, MA preferred
-Must be a MA willing to work for a BA salary
Civil service
-This job was filled from the inside six months ago
Women/minorities encouraged
-White males need not waste a stamp
Outstanding benefits package
-Health insurance
Tons of variety
-We took all of the heinous tasks no one else would do and rolled them into one job
Top notch communication skills
-Telemarketing
Beautiful offices in attractive locale
-Brand new tacky windowless office where picture frames match the carpet
Secretary
-Woman only job with the responsibilities of management and the wages of a migrant worker
Executive secretary
-The most powerful position in any company
Dedicated
-You're looking at a minimum of 80 hours a week until we force you into early retirement
Salary commensurate
-We'll pay you whatever the hell we feel like
Salary negotiable
-We'll take the lowest bidder
Competitive salary
-We'll pay you up to 10% more than your last job -- period!
Competitive starting salary
-Ten cents above minimum wage
Pleasant atmosphere
-A staff of pod people
Professional atmosphere
-Zombie pod people
Fun, creative atmosphere
-Pod people from hell
Dynamic atmosphere
-Zombie pod people from hell
Gal Friday
-Anyone who actually applies for this job deserves it
Self starter
-Open to very broad interpretation, since no one really knows what this means
-----------------------
Holly
[This message has been edited by HollyBerri (edited 23 April 2000).]
and WHAT IT REALLY MEANS...
Advancement opportunity
-Lousy job
Entry Level
-Really a lousy job
No experience necessary
-The mother of all lousy jobs
Administrative assistant
-Lousy job with a title
Ground floor opportunity
-Lousy job with a company that will file bankruptcy within a year
Progressive company
- Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday
Team player
-Must deal with dangerously territorial coworkers with rabid personalities
Upbeat personalities
-Must neither threaten us with any kind of lawsuit nor use the drug alcohol rehab benefit within the first year
Word processing skills essential
-There is a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future
Public Relations Receptionist- Professional appearance important
-$20 K a year job that requires a $100K year wardrobe
Pleasant telephone manner
-Be the voice of 1-900-suck
Earn up to $300 per hour
-Be 1-900-suck
Salary range $24K to $32K
-The salary is $24K
Jeans job!
-Minimum wage temporary job in concentration camp office
Will train
-Prior conviction of a felony or two, no problem
BA required, MA preferred
-Must be a MA willing to work for a BA salary
Civil service
-This job was filled from the inside six months ago
Women/minorities encouraged
-White males need not waste a stamp
Outstanding benefits package
-Health insurance
Tons of variety
-We took all of the heinous tasks no one else would do and rolled them into one job
Top notch communication skills
-Telemarketing
Beautiful offices in attractive locale
-Brand new tacky windowless office where picture frames match the carpet
Secretary
-Woman only job with the responsibilities of management and the wages of a migrant worker
Executive secretary
-The most powerful position in any company
Dedicated
-You're looking at a minimum of 80 hours a week until we force you into early retirement
Salary commensurate
-We'll pay you whatever the hell we feel like
Salary negotiable
-We'll take the lowest bidder
Competitive salary
-We'll pay you up to 10% more than your last job -- period!
Competitive starting salary
-Ten cents above minimum wage
Pleasant atmosphere
-A staff of pod people
Professional atmosphere
-Zombie pod people
Fun, creative atmosphere
-Pod people from hell
Dynamic atmosphere
-Zombie pod people from hell
Gal Friday
-Anyone who actually applies for this job deserves it
Self starter
-Open to very broad interpretation, since no one really knows what this means
-----------------------
Holly
[This message has been edited by HollyBerri (edited 23 April 2000).]
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