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Jord
8th April 2000, 13:11
Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

Your orgasms are real. Always.

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be president.

You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

Foreplay is optional.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

The world is your urinal.

Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.

Same work... more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100. 'Nuff said...

If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

Princess Di's death was just another obituary.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or irreparably mangle your feet.

Porn movies are designed with you in mind.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"

http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/smile.gif

Jord.

Muad'Dib
8th April 2000, 15:32
http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/biggrin.gif This is truly a classic Jord. http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/biggrin.gif

Dimitri

Brian R.
8th April 2000, 21:21
Never have to sleep next to a hairy ass!!!

That's great. http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/smile.gif

fds
9th April 2000, 11:56
The best is that we never have to bear a child, give birth and so on.

Jord
9th April 2000, 12:05
Subject: HUMAN BODY PART WHICH EXPANDS 10x'S ITS USUAL SIZE.

Sixth grade science teacher Mr. Sampson asks his class: "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"

Nobody raises a hand, so he calls on the first student to look his way.
"Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"

Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "Sir, how dare you ask such a question?" she says. "I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!"

Mr. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted. He asks the class the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand.

"Yes, Sam?" says Mr. Sampson. "Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye."

"Very good, Sam. Thank you."

Mr. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have 3 things to tell you.
First, you have a DIRTY mind. Second, you did not do your homework. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed."

http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/biggrin.gif

Jord.

The Rock
9th April 2000, 12:41
ROFL!! Jord, that man thing is a classic.

The Rock

Jord
9th April 2000, 12:58
Thanks... here's one we all know http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/wink.gifEmployee Training

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of Special High Intensity Training S.H.I.T). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T you can handle.

Employees who do not take their S.H.I.T will be placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Programs (D.E.E.P S.H.I.T) Those who fail to take D.E.E.P S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to Employee Attitude Training (E.A.T S.H.I.T).

Since our managers took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they do not have to do S.H.I.T anymore, as they are all full of S.H.I.T already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T, you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List (B.U.L.L S.H.I.T) Those who are full of B.U.L.L S.H.I.T will get the S.H.I.T jobs, and can apply for promotion to
Director of Intensity Programming (D.I.P S.H.I.T)

If you have further questions, please direct them to our Head Of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T S.H.I.T)

Thank you,

Boss in General
(B.I.G S.H.I.T)

http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/biggrin.gif

Jord.

cancer
19th April 2000, 12:40
my stomach hurts & my eyes are dripping. thanks jord for the tickle at this late hour(this may also have something to do with it, gotta stop drinking so much caffeine & smoking cigarettes).

cheers.

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Asus P3V4X bios 1.03, P!!! FC-PGA 550e @733, 160M pc100 sdram, Matrox G400MAX bios 1.4 PDesk 5.52.015, Seagate 28.5G Ultra ATA66 7200rpm HD, Pioneer 103s DVD 6X/32X drive, SB AWE64 Gold ISA sound card, SMC pci ethernet adaptor, Castlewood Orb 2.2G media drive, Nortel 100 cable modem, Mitsubishi 1995 19in monitor, MS natural keyboard, MS Intellimouse Explorer,
Win98SE 4.10.2222A, DX7a.

T'kul Bastile
19th April 2000, 18:49
Jord those are just to good. http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/smile.gif

But personally I have no problem with woman that choose to wear a white shirt to a water park. Does anyone here?

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System Specs:

One bourbon, one scotch and one beer

Brian R.
20th April 2000, 05:13
So Ant, since you have your job, you must have a great ass.

Ant
20th April 2000, 08:09
They both thought so http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/wink.gif

Brian R.
20th April 2000, 09:26
There we go, instead of faces for identity on the MURC forum, we should post pictures of our best physical asset.

Jorden
20th April 2000, 10:20
asset ?? http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/wink.gif

Brian R.
20th April 2000, 10:29
There again, some of us would have a great deal of trouble fitting it in the space allotted. I, for one, would need a huge picture.

Ant
20th April 2000, 16:17
Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

I have 2 bosses, one is male and gay the other is female so I'd have to disagree with this point.

McRhea
20th April 2000, 17:34
MY biggest asset is a body part that expands 10x! Hehehehe... That can be taken two ways, and I meant it in the NON - perverted way!!

As for the pic thing, I'm for it, as soon as I can force myself to find a scanner... ARGH