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Friday Is Humor Day.....or vague attempts at...

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  • Friday Is Humor Day.....or vague attempts at...

    Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says "you know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, roasted them, stewed them, barbecued them and tried every sort of marinade. I still can't get them tender."

    The second cannibal asks, "what kind of missionary do you use."

    The other replied, "the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have brown cloaks with a rope around the waist, sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads."

    "Ah Ha!" the second cannibal replies. "No wonder, those are friars!"

    --------------------------------------------

    A cowboy is captured by Indians and taken to the big Chief. Chief says "white man in big trouble, after 3 sunrise and sunsets, you die. But we fair, give you one wish every day except you no go free."

    So the first day, the Chief says to the cowboy, "what you wish for?" The cowboy replies "I want to speak to my horse." So the horse is brought to the cowboy and he whispers into the horse's ear, slaps it on the rump and the horse runs off. A few hours later, the horse returns with a naked blond woman. The cowboy shrugs his shoulders, and goes into his teepee with her. The chief says, "ugh, white man going to die, and all he can think of is sex."

    On the second day, the chief says to the cowboy "what you wish for today?" The cowboy replies "I want to speak with my horse again." So the horse is brought to the cowboy and he whispers into the horses ear, slaps it on the rump and the horse runs off. A few hours later, the horse returns with a naked brunette woman. The cowboy shrugs his shoulders and goes into the teepee with her. the chief says "ugh, again white man thinks only of sex."

    On the third day, the Chief says "this last wish, what you want today?" The cowboy says "I want to speak with my horse again." So the horse is brought to the cowboy who picks up a club, hits the horse on the head, grabs it by the ears and says "read my lips, ****ole... P-O-S-S-E, damit, P-O-S-S-E!"




    [This message has been edited by SCompRacer (edited 10-02-1999).]
    MSI K7D Master L, Water Cooled, All SCSI
    Modded XP2000's @ 1800 (12.5 x 144 FSB)
    512MB regular Crucial PC2100
    Matrox P
    X15 36-LP Cheetahs In RAID 0
    LianLiPC70

  • #2
    Here's a good one,

    BEST BUMPER STICKER'S SEEN THIS WEEKEND

    Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
    My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
    If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
    You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
    If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
    The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
    Illiterate? Write For Help
    I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
    Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
    It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now
    I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere
    I'm a cop, so pull your friggin' car over.
    Ax Me About Ebonics
    Caution - Driver Legally Blonde!
    Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That
    Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
    Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window

    Paul
    "Never interfere with the enemy when he is in the process of destroying himself"

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    • #3
      n a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other for many years.
      Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire." And with that command, the statues came to life.
      The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping.
      After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have fifteen minutes. Would you like to continue?"
      The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"
      Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure. But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'LL poo on its head!"

      Comment


      • #4
        I was talking to a UPS driver and he said that one paranoid woman ordered over a TON of rice for Y2K! Hilarious! That's enough rice to last her for five years if she ate a pound a day which is damn near impossible to do!

        Comment


        • #5
          How about that M&M's commercial where the guy walks into the store and see's the M& M's munching on M&M's, and says "it's so un-natural to eat your own kind."

          The M&M's look at one another and swap bags! Makes me laugh.
          MSI K7D Master L, Water Cooled, All SCSI
          Modded XP2000's @ 1800 (12.5 x 144 FSB)
          512MB regular Crucial PC2100
          Matrox P
          X15 36-LP Cheetahs In RAID 0
          LianLiPC70

          Comment


          • #6
            A man goes to the doctor. "Doc," he says pointing to different parts of his body, "when I touch my arm it hurts. When I touch my neck it hurts. And when I touch my stomach it hurts. Do I have some rare disease?"

            "No," the doctor replied, "you have a broken finger."

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            • #7
              look at this...

              <A HREF="http://www.ati.com/online/project_aurora/">ATI's Cospiracy... Spooky! ;-)</A>



              ------------------
              ... There's No Spoon!
              ... There's No Spoon!

              Comment


              • #8
                Yeh, ATI's been doing that "conspiracy" bullshit ever since they released the Rage 128. The REAL conspiracy is that you have to go beg third parties for working drivers for their card!

                - Gurm

                ------------------
                G. U. R. M. It's not hard to spell, is it? Then don't screw it up!
                The word "Gurm" is in no way Copyright 1999 Jorden van der Elst.
                The Internet - where men are men, women are men, and teenage girls are FBI agents!

                I'm the least you could do
                If only life were as easy as you
                I'm the least you could do, oh yeah
                If only life were as easy as you
                I would still get screwed

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