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DuRaNgO
15th September 1999, 16:17
> > > A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock on the door. He
> > > rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the
> > > morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and
> rolls
> > > over.
> > >
> > > Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says
> his
> > > wife.
> > > So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the
> door
> > > and
> > > there is man standing at the door.It didn't take the homeowner long to
> > > realize the man was drunk.
> > > "Hi there." slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push??"
> > > "No, get lost, it's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and
> > > slams the door.
> > >
> > > He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says,
> > >
> > > "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke
> down
> in
> > > the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter
> and
> > > you
> > > had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would
> > > have
> > > happened if he'd told us to get lost??"
> > > "But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
> > > "It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would
> be
> > > the Christian thing to help him."
> > >
> > > So the husband out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He
> > > opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he
> > > shouts: "Hey, do you still want a push??" and he hears a voice cry
> > > out "Yes, please."
> > >
> > > So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts: "Where are you?"
> > > And the stranger replies: "I'm over here, on your swing."
> >
> >

cjolley
15th September 1999, 17:22
Chuck jumps for joy with his new MAX!
http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Bay/2433/jump.jpg

YEEHAAWWW
chuck

(Aren't Oracle programmers supposed to be dignified? SCREW THAT! http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/wink.gif )


------------------
Celery 333@500, 128mb gh@cas2, 10gb IBM@7200, SB Live Value@????, noname CDRom@40x, Mitsumi CDRW@2x2x8, Zoom@56k, Princeton EO75@1024x768x32x100kh, Matrox G400 MAX@112% !!!! :D

RoGuE
16th September 1999, 05:34
Excellent Steve http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/biggrin.gif LOL http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/biggrin.gif

Maggi
16th September 1999, 05:49
So ... where IS that elephant ???

http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/biggrin.gif http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/biggrin.gif http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/biggrin.gif http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/biggrin.gif http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/biggrin.gif http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/biggrin.gif

------------------
Cheerio,
Maggi
________________________
Asus P2B-DS @ 103MHz FSB
2x P3-450 @ 464MHz
512MB CAS2 SDRAM
Millenium G400 32MB DH

ALBPM
16th September 1999, 06:40
Hey Jorden, Steve,

Those Pics are on the entrance exam for University of New Mexico Football players.

Paul

SteveC
16th September 1999, 06:45
And I thought they were a blondes' IQ test... http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/wink.gif

------------------
Cheers,
Steve

PS: Some or all of the above message may be wrong, or, just as likely, correct. Depends on what mood I'm in. And what you know. ;)

Jorden
16th September 1999, 09:38
Thanks Steve... so that means I can delete those images from my ftp-server again?? http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/wink.gif

I'm still stuck in that maze... http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/smile.gif

Jorden.

------------------
My 30th birthday is coming up... nervous?? Naaaah!!! (everyone just keep your eyes peeled at MHW from the 25th-09 onward...)
------------
I GOT a very speedy, working G400 32Mb DH!!! (Delivered in an Asus AGP-V3800 16Mb box)
------------
Holly, Love and Tiberian Sun Rules !!
------------

-I want my 1120 posts back-

DuRaNgO
16th September 1999, 13:27
up we go!
I need a laugh before "floyd" gets here! http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/wink.gif

DuRaNgO
16th September 1999, 13:44
>>A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and
>>approaches the blonde lady driver. "Mam, is there a reason
>>that you're weaving all over the road"?
>>
>>The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!!
>>I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right
>>in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree
>>in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree
>>in front of me!"
>>
>>Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the
>>officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener."
>>
http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/biggrin.gif
jim

Zypher
16th September 1999, 14:05
How did you make those nice 'windows' things?

1) Didn't, found then elsewhere [naaaah]

2) Painstaking editing within photoshop or whatever from normal .bmp screenshots [thats how I have done them in the past :/ sllooowww] then convert to gif or jpeg

3) A neat little program that does the hard stuff for you [where can I download? :]

4) Visual Basic 5 or something like it [I hate those programs]

5) ?

Thx in advance.

SteveC
16th September 1999, 14:45
1) Got em emailed to me. But looking at the menu one, it looks like photoshop to me. The third one could be done in VB very easily (if you have the comedian inside of you that is...) http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/smile.gif

------------------
Cheers,
Steve

PS: Some or all of the above message may be wrong, or, just as likely, correct. Depends on what mood I'm in. And what you know. ;)

Randy Simons
16th September 1999, 15:10
Ok, here are 2 home-made things.. I've also real but weieieird windows-errors.. Shall I post them to?

Rany

<IMG SRC="http://home.student.utwente.nl/r.j.g.simons/pics/too_many.png" BORDER=0>

<IMG SRC="http://home.student.utwente.nl/r.j.g.simons/pics/win98advanced.gif" BORDER=0>


------------------
Randy Simons
Digital Dreams Software
http://www.dgdr.com/

Wombat
16th September 1999, 15:41
Okay, my turn:
<IMG SRC="http://userfs.cec.wustl.edu/~rmf2/54.jpg" >


[This message has been edited by Wombat (edited 09-16-1999).]

SteveC
16th September 1999, 15:53
hurrah! I've been looking for that pic wombat! I saw it on theregister but I lost it.

------------------
Cheers,
Steve

PS: Some or all of the above message may be wrong, or, just as likely, correct. Depends on what mood I'm in. And what you know. ;)

SCompRacer
16th September 1999, 16:00
SteveC
Absolutely, without a doubt the best Windows Office "update" I have ever seen!

My wife thought it was great and want's it on her laptop!

FLOL!

SteveC
16th September 1999, 16:24
Okay, here we go again...

Microsoft Word Updates!

http://gtech.matroxusers.com/fun/menu.jpg
http://gtech.matroxusers.com/fun/office_assistant.gif
http://gtech.matroxusers.com/fun/wordoptions.gif

http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/biggrin.gif

------------------
Cheers,
Steve

PS: Some or all of the above message may be wrong, or, just as likely, correct. Depends on what mood I'm in. And what you know. ;)

Maggi
16th September 1999, 16:40
http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/biggrin.gif LOL http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/biggrin.gif

It was about time, guys !

http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/biggrin.gif excellent http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/biggrin.gif

------------------
Cheerio,
Maggi
________________________
Asus P2B-DS @ 103MHz FSB
2x P3-450 @ 464MHz
512MB CAS2 SDRAM
Millenium G400 32MB DH

SteveC
16th September 1999, 16:45
And some more.... (Thanks to Jorden for the Pix in this one)

http://gtech.matroxusers.com/fun/blonds1.jpg
http://gtech.matroxusers.com/fun/blonds2.jpg
http://gtech.matroxusers.com/fun/blonds3.jpg

And, if anyone missed it, the most hillarious thing to happen to this forum... The Tombman Inferno!!
<A HREF="http://gtech.matroxusers.com/fun/flameww3.doc">Get it here</A>

------------------
Cheers,
Steve

PS: Some or all of the above message may be wrong, or, just as likely, correct. Depends on what mood I'm in. And what you know. ;)

SteveC
17th September 1999, 02:42
One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I
should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer
at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a
doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose
your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs
$10.00." Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a
urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in
the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise
and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small
slip of paper which read: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warmwater,
avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks.......
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it
would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer
could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together
some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife
and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went
back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and
deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its
lights, and printed out the following analysis: Your tap water is too hard.
Get a water softener.
Your dog has ringworm.
Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.

Your daughter is using cocaine.
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.

Your wife is pregnant ..... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better.

------------------
Cheers,
Steve

PS: Some or all of the above message may be wrong, or, just as likely, correct. Depends on what mood I'm in. And what you know. ;)

wizz
17th September 1999, 16:42
A very funny joke:-

A train hits a bus load of nuns and they all perish.
They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates
St. Peter asks first nun, "Sister Karen, have you everhad any contact with a penis?"
She giggles and slyly replies, "Well once I touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.
St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in the holyWater and pass through the gate."
St. Peter asks the next nun the same question, "Sister Elizabeth have you ever had any contact with apenis?"
The nun is a little reluctant but replies "Well once I fondled and stroked one."
St. Peter says "OK, dip your whole hand in the holy water and passthrough the gate."
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of nuns, one nun is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says "Sister, Sister! What seems to be the rush?"
The nun replies "If I'm going to have to gargle that holywater, I want to go before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it!!"


Oh dear!!!!

Tony

KvHagedorn
17th September 1999, 17:50
Very funny pictures, Steve. http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/biggrin.gif
Got a real laugh out of them. http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/smile.gif

------------------
Kind Regards,

KvH

tish beta2
18th September 1999, 07:11
And while we're at the "image o'mickey" theme...

<center>

http://home.c2i.net/aka_mecha/fun/microsoft_1978.jpg

http://home.c2i.net/aka_mecha/fun/bg.jpg

http://home.c2i.net/aka_mecha/fun/Neandert.jpg

http://home.c2i.net/aka_mecha/fun/gatesY2Kcartoon.gif

http://home.c2i.net/aka_mecha/fun/drag_and_drop.jpg

</center>

Windows 95: n. A 32 bit graphical interface for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally written for a 4 bit microprocessor by a 2 bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition.

- and -

A rather well built woman, Joan, spent almost all of her vacation time sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. The first day she sunbathed, she wore a red bathing suit. However on the second day, she felt a little more adventurous. She slipped out of it in order to get an overall tan figuring that no one could see her way up there. She'd hardly began when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.
"Excuse me, miss," said a flustered little (out of breath) assistant manager of the hotel. "The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday!"
"What difference does it make", Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here on the roof and besides, I'm covered with a towel."
"With all due respect, not exactly ma'am," said the embarrassed little man.
"You are lying on the dining room skylight."



[This message has been edited by tish beta2 (edited 09-18-1999).]

Clint
18th September 1999, 08:28
SteveC,

Thanks for the link to that thread (flameww3.doc). I missed it ...

Learnt some cool new insults! http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/biggrin.gif LOL! http://forums.murc.ws/ubb/biggrin.gif

Clint