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**SteveC** · 10 September 1999, 06:57

Ohh, fun threads! My Favourite kind. I've got a good mind to post the war against deprived/tombman, but I'm sure we've had enough of him here.

Anyway,
WANTED

A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.

Now, please read lines 1,3 and 5.

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Cheers,
Steve

PS: Some or all of the above message may be wrong, or, just as likely, correct. Depends on what mood I'm in. And what you know. ;¬)

**Ghydda** · 10 September 1999, 07:30

LOL Steve...

Lets see what we have here...

Three guys are walking down the beach ...
when they see this beautiful woman laying naked on the beach.
Well the first guy goes over to her and starts making love to her,
when she says "What will we name the child?"The guy freaks and runs away.
So the second guy goes over to her and starts "doing his thing"
when she says "What will we name the child?"He freaks out also and runs away.
The third guy has been watching all this.
So he puts on a condom and goes to do his thing.
When she says what will we name the child?
He ignores her and keeps on going.
She keeps asking but he keeps going.
Finally he finishes and pulls off the condom,
ties a knot in the end of the rubber and throws it in the ocean.
He turns to the girl and says,"If he gets out of that, we'll call him Houdini."

It is two o'clock in the morning and a husband and his
wife are asleep when suddenly the phone rings.

The husband picks up the phone and says, "Hello? How the
heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" promptly
slamming the phone down.

His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"

The husband replies, "I don't know, it was some guy who
wanted to know if the coast was clear."

[This message has been edited by Ghydda (edited 09-10-1999).]

**Ghydda** · 10 September 1999, 07:56

Oh Boy! - People are slow today. Or maybe they just have put their brains in the freezer.

Anyway, here's two stories from the time I went in first grade, or was it second grade...

A teacher trying to teach math to her class is using the following:
"Three birds are sitting on a wire. A gunman shoots one of the birds.
How many birds are there left on the wire?"
One little boy raises his hand, "None", he replied.
"No, no, no. Let's try again," the teacher says patiently.
She holds up three fingers. "Three birds are sitting on a wire.
A gunman shoots one," she puts down one finger,
"how many birds are there left on the wire?"
"None", the boy says with authority.
The teacher sighs. "Tell me how you came up with that."
"It's simple," says the boy, "after the gunman shot one bird,
he scared the other two away."
"Well," she says, "it's not technically correct,
but I do like the way you think."
"Okay," chimes the boy, "now let me ask you a question.
There are three women sitting on a bench eating popsicles.
One woman is licking the popsicle,
one woman is biting the popsicle,
and one is sucking the popsicle.
Which one is married?" he asked innocently.
The teacher looked at the boy's angelic face and writhed in agony,
turning three shades of red.
"C'mon," the boy said impatiently, "one is licking the popsicle,
one is biting, and one is sucking. Which one is married?"
"Well," she gulped and in a barely audible whisper replied,
"the one who's sucking?"
"No," he says with surprise, "the one with the wedding ring on.
But I like the way you think.

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about
something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came for the little kids to give their reports,
the teacher was calling on them one at a time.
She was reluctant to call on little Johnny,
knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude.
But, eventually, his turn came...
Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class and,
with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard,
then sat back down.
Well, the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnny had in mind for
his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
"It's a period," reported Johnny."Well, I can see that," she said,
"but what is so exciting about a period?"
"Damned if I know", said Johnny, "but, this morning,
my sister said she missed one.
Then Dad had a heart attack, Mom fainted,
and the man next door shot himself."

L8R dude
Ghydda

**RoGuE** · 10 September 1999, 08:16

IRISH GCE EXAMINATION 1973

1) Who won the second world war?
2) Who came second?
3) What is a silver dollar made of?
4) Spell the following
(a) Cat
(b) Dog
(c) Carrot

5) There have been six kings of England called George. Name the other five...

6) Who invented Stevenson's rocket?
7) What musical instrument does Phil the Fluter play?
8) Name the odd man out:
(a) Bonny O'Goole
(b) Sean O'Flattery
(c) Mehatma Ghandi

9) Name the winning jockey of the 1972 Greyhound Derby

**SteveC** · 10 September 1999, 08:59

Oi! I'm half irish thank you very much! (Probably explains a lot...)

Anyway, little Johnny strikes again:

It was Friday morning, and that meant it was time for an activity that the teacher called ‘add to the picture’. The teacher would call students to the chalkboard one at a time. The first student would draw an object on the chalkboard, and each following student would add something to the picture to make it a new picture.

The teacher called on James to start things off.

James returned to his seat.

The teacher called on Ernie next.

Ernie returned to his seat.

Now it was Suzy’s turn.

Suzy returned to her seat.

Next, the teacher called Jerry to the board.

Jerry returned to his seat.

Kim was called to the board.

Kim returned to her seat.

About this time, little Johnny began waving his arm hysterically. Little Johnny was well known for being dirty-minded, so the teacher was reluctant to call on him for anything. But as the teacher looked at the picture on the chalkboard, she thought that there was no way that little Johnny could possibly do anything to make this picture dirty. So she called on little Johnny, and he ran to the chalkboard.

Little Johnny had done it again.

------------------
Cheers,
Steve

PS: Some or all of the above message may be wrong, or, just as likely, correct. Depends on what mood I'm in. And what you know. ;¬)

**RoGuE** · 10 September 1999, 10:03

LOL sorry Steve, I didn't make those up, honest.

------------------
aka Chris H

Abit BE6, Celeron 300A@450MHz, 128MB PC100 RAM, G400 32MB DH, SBLive! Value, IBM 22GB ATA/66 HDD, and so on...

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Well, it's Friday again, at least on the planet Earth

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